Sort of a Life

New Rant on Sort of a Librarian. Enjoy!

2012-02-01T07:46:00.000-08:00

Sit down (or stand up) to enjoy a frustrated rant time on Sort of a Librarian.

Puma Zandy. A shoe story.

2012-01-20T21:15:00.000-08:00

I was walking through Nordstrom's with my best friend when an amazing pair of Puma flats called me from the depths of the shoe department (We were walking right past them and they were on the aisle display). Let me familiarize you with....Zandy:

They're fancy, but street at the same time. I loved them as soon as I saw them, but they were $70 at Nordstrom's. Not something I could afford, and quite frankly, although I believe sometimes you have to pay for quality, as a seasoned shopper, I knew then and there that I wasn't meant to pay full price for these Pumas. I was definitely going to find a deal. Only seasoned shoppers get this feeling. I like to call it bargain fever. Its when you know there's a great deal in your near future, you just have to find it.

I started the search online, but it took me a while until I found a price that my shopper's sense told me was good. It was on the Puma website! It is a rare feat to find a great sale price on the brand site. I was amazed, but I was even more amazed when I finally received my Puma Zandys (I ordered three pair!). Since my last Puma purchase, they've updated some things. They have begun using this great insole called Eco Ortholite and it is quite comfortable. These aren't your typical un-supportive ballet flats. They provide a nice cushioned step and great support for a ballet flat.

I ordered the brown flat as pictured above, but I also bought the mary jane versions in black and silver. I'm pretty sure they're going to make awesome shoes for dancing.

I Believe In Marky Mark

2012-01-19T13:29:00.000-08:00

I just read about Mark Wahlberg's remarks about the plane crashes of September 11, 2001 and I'm not surprised that he had to come out and apologize because in this day and age, it seems that people enjoy public apologies even more than the blunders they're intended to repair.

Before I go into this, let me go on a mini-rant about 9/11, aka the occurrence that took place on the day September 11, 2011, because let's get it straight, it wasn't just about blowing up the World Trade Center, White House and Pentagon. It was about eliciting mayhem throughout the country, forcing the U.S. government to show its ass by passing police-state laws, crazy policies and enacting an unknown amount of secret directives. It was about showing the rest of the world that U.S. shit does stink and hopefully pulling the keystone of the republic so that soon, the U.S. would crumble into the shiny seas we sing about. It wasn't just about crashing a few planes.

Wahlberg is quoted as saying "if I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn't have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, 'OK, we're going to land somewhere safely, don't worry.'" Is Wahlberg wrong?
Another craze that seems to have always had the masses in heat is Celebrity. Celebrity fills up half the news, whether its on TV, radio, print or web. Celebrity is the reason for the majority of TV shows and movies, not creativity. Not good writing. Not acting skill. Celebrity.

So, really who's to say that in the heat of the moment, the people on that flight wouldn't have banded behind the attractive action star they just saw in Planet of the Apes. Who's to say what they would've been able to accomplish? There could have been "a lot of blood in that first-class cabin" and that plane could have safely landed. We'll never know. We just know that we can say what we would've done. Let's not apologize for it. Let's just move on and make actions speak louder than words.
His follow-up statement said:
"To speculate about such a situation is ridiculous to begin with..." No it isn't. You're just speculating. We have the right to our imagination.
"...and to suggest I would have done anything differently than the passengers on that plane was irresponsible." You really think so? I don't. but then again, I'm a little crazy.
I deeply apologize to the families of the victims that my answer came off as insensitive, it was certainly not my intention," I like this apology, I wish he didn't have the rest of the stuff. Basically I'm sorry what I said hurt your feelings, but I'm not sorry for what I said. That's my interpretation.
I just realize I don't really have a point, but I'm not going to apologize for it.
Here's someone else's opinion about Mark's apology: Davis Schneiderman's Open Letter to Mark
Camille out.

Bogotá Schmogota Part I

2011-12-10T10:45:00.000-08:00

I decided to go to Bogotá because my boyfriend was going to be there studying Spanish. I like to travel to visit people, so I figured I'd get to see E and I'd also meet the natives he'd know by the time I get there. Score!

Traveling to Bogotá

I flew Spirit Airlines. Despite all the fees, their initial price is cheapest and they are still friendly people to fly with. Plus the seats are the perfect size for me. If you ever get to fly with Mr. Dwight Blackman (his actual name) from one of the Ft. Lauderdale crews, you will be thoroughly entertained by his announcer comedy. This is the second time I've been on a flight with him and his random comedic breaks that come out over speakers are hilarious!

Touchdown

Got off the plane, grabbed my bag and made it through customs and security rather quickly. I was only waiting a couple minutes when E pulled up in a taxi to fetch me.

Driving around, the city looked pretty normal Latin America to me and very similar to San Juan, Puerto Rico. Drivers are typical impatient, honking, tailgating, frequently cutting off other, etc. The one thing I don't like about Bogotá is the pollution. Almost from the time I stepped out of the airport until I fell asleep that first night, I had a terrible headache adjusting to all the smells, fumes and probably particulate. Be prepared to be grossed out: Even my boogers were gray from all of the stuff I was breathing. Yuck.

La Casa

We get to the house, which is owned by a family and has a separate section of rooms for rent. E was the only renter at the time, so basically we had a whole section of the house to ourselves. The family he's staying with is really nice and they threw him a birthday party the day I arrived. The whole family was there and they let him invite a couple of his friends and, of course, me.

Before the bigger group of people arrived, we sat down and ate this yummy soup called ajiaco. Later, E's friends joined us. They're the folks who got E acquainted with the city and they're also really nice and intelligent conversationalists.

We sat around talking some more after all the guests had left and at a certain point I was useless. The travel fatigue, pollution headache and straining to communicate in another language was getting to me and I went to bed.

Villa de Leyva

The next sunny morning, E and I got up really early to catch the bus to go to Villa de Leyva, a small colonial town with a beautiful view of the Andean foothills in the Departamento de Boyacá a few hours outside of Bogotá. A department is pretty much like a state. Bogotá is in Departamento de Cundinamarca, which is southwest of Boyocá. Leyva is pretty much dead during the week, but on the weekends, it’s a well-known spot for Rollos (Nickname for people from Bogotá. I may have misspelled it, but that’s what it sounds like: roy-ohs) to get away from the city.

We took a cab to the bus depot and soon after we were on a bus heading to Leyva, but unfortunately it was in no hurry to get there. The bus driver and his assistant spent a lot of time trying to get more people on the bus, meaning at every opportunity, the bus would pull over and the assistant would call out the window "¡Tunja! ¡Leyva Leyva Leyva!" to get anyone who was remotely interested to hop on board the bus to Leyva or Tunja, which is on the way. We did pick up a few people here and there, but they got off well before Leyva. I fell asleep for part of the road trip, but while I was awake I got to see some of the countryside from the window. There were lots of small farms, cows and horses grazing, greenery galore and tiny-house looking gravesites along the mountain roads.

The first thing we did in Leyva was to check in to the hotel, Posada la Villa de Alcalá, which is situated just outside the town center and has great amenities i.e. cable, hot water with good pressure for a fair price tag. The hotel is a repurposed old Spanish style house with a courtyard that is full of beautiful plants and captured the sunlight just so.

After we dropped our stuff, we walked to the main plaza, typical to old Spanish colonial towns, but this one was huge and empty. It seems like a great place for big city events and they probably have a lot happening in that space on the weekends, but we were there on a Monday. This also meant that half the stores and restaurants were closed and the ones that were open, were not opposed to just closing in the middle of the day. So there wasn't much to peruse. We walked down the main drag stopped at a park and took some pictures then caught lunch at one of the few places that were open, Tierra Buena.

After lunch we took a guided tour of the area. Ivan of Zebra Tours picked us up from our hotel in a zebra-stripe painted Jeep. In it were two guys who also wanted to take the tour. They claimed to be Italian, but spoke Spanish without a hint of an Italian accent the whole time. One of them even used what I think was an alias: Guiseppe Bongiorno. Yeah, right.

The first location we hit was Los Pozos Azules, the blue wells, it translates to, but they really look like big blue ponds that are a beautiful shade of teal, except one that gets most of the rain runoff and that one is a more on the green side. They are apparently colored by the sulfuric salts (I know nothing about geology so...) and located in the middle of a mini desert that formed somehow, despite being in this really rainy area.

The next place on the tour was the Granja de Avestruces, the ostrich farm. Yes, I did say ostrich farm. No I didn't ingest hallucinogenic plant life. For some odd reason, there is an ostrich farm in Villa de Leyva, Colombia. They showed us a video about the farm, took us on a tour of the different animals there and expounded on the fact that ostrich meat is just as good as steak, but there still wasn't an explanation for its existence. Needless to say, I wasn't happy about stopping there. It started raining as soon as the tour of the granja commenced and so we found ourselves sloughing through mud and probably poop. What made the stop worthwhile was seeing the pair of "Italians" cling to each other in fear while faced with the ostriches. Oh, and an ostrich bit my hand.

Moving on. Next we went to the Museo El Fósil, which was much more interesting. Apparently, that area was completely underwater during the earth's Cretaceous period. So the fossils they find there are all sea creatures, like the giant fossil of the kronosaurus. Seriously, it was the size of a SUV.

After the tour, we went for dinner at an Italian place in town. It rained again after dinner. We went back to the room and took advantage of the cable TV, watching "El Joe, La Leyenda" (Joe, the Legend), a novela based on the life of Joe Arroyo, a big-time Colombian musical artist that died in July 2011. Lights out.

The next sunny morning we slept in late and hopped on a bus back to Bogotá with some empanadas we grabbed from a shop at the station. Thankfully it went faster and we had more passengers and therefore more to talk about amongst ourselves. You've got to be thankful for good company.

Bogotá Schmogota Part II

2011-12-08T06:51:00.000-08:00

Around Bogotá

Tuesday after we got back from Villa de Leyva, we rested a bit, then headed over to spend the evening visiting with E's friends who live in Chapinero Alto, which is basically a bunch of steep hills with apartment buildings built on top, so there was some high stepping involved. On our way there, we picked up an arepa as a snack. Freakin' yum!

Wednesday we toured around the downtown area and Candelaría, which is the old colonial part of Bogotá. If you've been to a colonial town in Latin America or the Caribbean, then you know there's a usually a main plaza, some beautiful churches, statues of important men all connected by cobblestone or brick streets. We were trying to see the changing of the guards at the presidential palace, but they cancelled it that day due to a special event. So we (just me, really) started perusing souvenirs. It started to rain so we found our way into a larger shop where I purchased a mochila, which is a traditional bag that Colombians used to use when traveling.

After the rain slowed, we grabbed some fruit snacks from a street vendor and watched the street life pass us by from a park bench until it started raining even harder than before and we ducked into the Museo del Oro, the Museum of Gold. Their pièce de résistance is the Balsa Muisca, which is a depiction in gold of a powerful chief or a shaman floating on a raft to the middle of a lake where he threw in pieces of gold and emeralds as offering to the gods. This ritual is called El Dorado. Wouldn't you know, the museum store only sold real gold key chains? They had postcards, so I bought a couple of those. Later I would find museum souvenirs in other souvenir shops, so it worked out fine.

We grabbed dinner at a restaurant called Sanalejo. We sat in the corner by the fireplace at a candlelit table looking out on the passersby in the rain. Totally romantic! The couple next to us kept us entertained. They consisted of an American man who spoke a little Spanish and a Colombian woman who spoke a little English out on a date.

After dinner, we caught the last half of a Colombian salsa class at Salsa Caribe, a bar in Chapinero. Colombian style salsa is certainly different. There are a lot more steps included in each 8 count. I tried to get what I could, but we did miss the first half of the class. I danced as much as I could in Colombian style, but E and I just ended up reverting back to our piecemeal style based in Cuban, but with all of E's different dance influences and me doing my best to follow, which isn't too bad. Both he and I started giving his Colombian-style-dancing friends lessons in Cuban style. I was teaching the guys and he was teaching the lady of the group. It was so much fun!

Thursday was quite laid back. After breakfast we languished the day away. It wasn't until after dark we decided to go out for a nice dinner in Zona Rosa, an upper-middle class neighborhood with a restaurant/bar row that seems to appeal to all ages with higher incomes. We chose El Portal de la Antigua.

Bogotá Schmogota Part III

2011-12-08T00:17:00.000-08:00

Monserrate

Friday after breakfast, we made our way to nearby Candelaría, again, but this time hoofed it up, up and up some more to the base of a mountain, Monserrate. This particular mountain has a well-known church upon it that is famous for its depiction of El Señor Caído, The Fallen Christ, and is also a great way to get a view out over the city and beyond. We took a cable car up the mountain. Once up there, we basically found ourselves in a cloud so the light wasn’t beautiful, but everything was still a sight to see. The church isn’t very ornate or noteworthy. It’s clear the hype is all about the depiction of Christ, which is inside the church. E and I walked the Stations of the Cross that were outside the church and we weren’t particularly impressed by the artist’s depictions of Christ’s last hours. I really don’t mean to turn anyone off with my negative description. If you’re planning on traveling to Bogotá, do go to Monserrate, but just try and pick a nice sunny day to go. The grounds there are beautiful; El Señor Caído is one of a kind, and the view is spectacular. I certainly enjoyed the time we spent there. The cloud we were in slowly descended and after about an hour you couldn’t really see much of city, or the details of the plants, or the church. And then the rain began to fall. Then hail. By that time we were making out way to the cable car and down the mountain.

Once back down in Bogotá, we tried to wait out the relentless rain in the cable car/funicular station, but it was just taking too long, so we walked back down to Candelaría/downtown area and stopped to have lunch at Casa Vieja, which was recommended to us by a staffer at the Museo del Oro.

After that we decided to try and get my souvenir shopping done. I really like to get postcards, dolls and cookbooks from the places I travel to and I also wanted to bring stuff back for my coworkers, friends and family. So we started at a large bookstore on Avenida Jimenez in the downtown area. The vibe in there was bad (an understatement), so we made like a tree and tried to make our way back to the alleys where we found souvenirs before. We found our path blocked by blockades and police trying to control access to the area due to a free concert and the tree lighting to take place that night in the main plaza. We attempted to maneuver around it, but it was no use. Not only were we unable to get down to the shops, but now we had dug deep into the crowds that quickly formed for the event.

After giving up on souvenirs, and some fancy crowd maneuvering, we found ourselves back at the Transmileneo station, but it was packed and the crowd, despite the multiple buses stopping, was not thinning at all. We stayed there for a while. Tried walking to another station. Attempted to catch a taxi. Nothing doing. We ended up plopping down in a sub-par café, ordered tintos and just waited. After a while, we tried again, and finally made our way back to the house. What a day! Time to watch a movie! We attempted to stream “Andromeda Strain” from E’s laptop and found a pretty good link on YouTube, but halfway through we passed out.

Shopping

Saturday was all about shopping. I had seen a Puma Outlet store in one of our taxi rides that was walking distance from the house, so after breakfast we braved the outlets area, but I found nothing worthy of taking up precious space in my luggage. Heavy rain started just as we made our way out to attempt another souvenir gathering trip, which we were trying to do quickly before joining up with the family for an evening outing to Usaquen, a district in Bogotá with a supposedly nice colonial area for tourists like me to enjoy. Unfortunately, we missed that side trip due to my souvenir shopping, the search for the perfect Colombian cookbook and my indecision, which was really starting to get to E, who had basically been making almost all of the decisions for the whole trip. After I finally procured a lot of magnets, keychains and tshirts, we came across a bookfair and finally discovered, to E’s great relief, a cookbook. Gran Libro de Cocina Colombiana was exactly what I was looking for and only cost 36,000 COL, or about $18.00. Score!

Since we’d missed hanging out with the family, we planned on having another fine dining experience in Zona Rosa. We took the Transmilenio there and decided upon Central Cevichería.

Sunday, my final day, was also the matron of the family’s birthday. So the family left in the morning for a day trip with a nice luncheon and bade me lots of good wishes, goodbyes, safe trips and come backs. They were really awesome. E and I made our way to Borninque, our regular breakfast spot. We ate and I stocked up on snacks to take on the plane.

After some quality hugging time, E took me to the airport and although our bye wasn’t a sloppy one with lots of tears snot and sobbing, it was sad. I miss him. I missed him the second I saw him get out of that cab on the previous Sunday, because I knew I’d have to leave him again, and this time I don’t know when I’ll see him again.

Bogotá Schmogota Epilogue

2011-12-07T21:30:00.001-08:00

Bogotá Travel Note 1: I tried to mention every time it rained, but sometimes it just didn’t fit in with the story. Just know that it usually rained in the evenings. Bring an umbrella and carry it with you especially if you’re going during a rainy season. It also got really cold at night and from experience, cold and wet is a horrible feeling. Avoid it.

Bogotá Travel Note 2: Always note the name and address of where you'll be staying. I missed that detail and they ask you at customs.

Bogotá Travel Note 3: Don't bring US$, use the ATMs to get your COL$ cash out. The exchange rate there isn't going to be as good as what the banks will give you. By the way, Nov/Dec 2011, the rate was about 1 USD= 2000 Columbian. Don't forget to notify your bank when you're traveling so they don't freeze your account.

Bogotá Travel Note 4: Bogotá airport wasn't fancy, but it was nice and well maintained. And they've got this great taxi-catching system where you go to a booth and tell them where you're going and they give you a ticket that you give to a taxi driver to tell him how much he can charge you. The bus depot had the taxi booth, too. That is a great way to avoid getting gouged for being a tourist. And taxis will try. There is also a laminated card that should be in each taxi telling you what they can charge. Look for a blue meter below the rearview mirror that is counting the distance in units. The chart tells you how much the driver should charge you for the amount of units they drove you: unidades/valor.

Bogota Travel Note 5: Transmilenio is Bogotá’s awesome bus system. It has dedicated traffic lanes going in both directions and takes you what seemed to me to be all over the city. The city still has a system of privately owned buses, but you’d really have to know the city well to take advantage of those. We took Transmilenio to get to most places, did a lot of walking and only took a cab to and from the airport, bus depot and from Zona Rosa once because we were both cold and wet. E downloaded a Transmilenio app for his IPhone, which wasn’t completely accurate, but helped a lot with navigating the system.

Bogotá Travel Note 6: I’m only noticing now that there is supposedly a lot of crime in Bogotá. I didn’t experience anything like that. E and I both blend in in Colombia and people thought we were Costeños (Colombians from the Caribbean coast who are typically darker skinner or black) plus I’m uber-observant, so we didn’t run into any trouble, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Don’t be a stupid tourist.

Bogotá Travel Note 7: There is lots of construction. Be careful of mud, holes and broken utility covers in the sidewalks. Consider that when you’re thinking about what shoes to bring.

Observations

The people here, and maybe in all of Colombia are really, really nice. The vendors aren't pushing their junk on you and most people will help you out if you're not fluent in Spanish. If they don't have what you need, they'll point you in the direction of where to find it, if not just find it for you. This is a friendly place.

I don’t know if it’s all Colombians, or just the Rollos (nickname for people from Bogotá), but they are pretty impatient people. They shove themselves onto the Transmilenio even though there’s another bus coming in less than 5 minutes. They packed the cable car going up Monserrate so much it was pretty difficult to enjoy the view. They drive impatient, constantly cutting each other off; they don’t really form lines you just have to kind of claim your space amongst others and then shove to maintain it when necessary. E and I found ourselves in some pretty packed crowds. But the friendliness of the Rollos still came through. Mothers with SUV-strollers found that crowds parted easily and willingly for them. Many times when buses were missed there was laughter and basically an “Oh well!” sort of response.

I’m not sure if they’ve got a greater sense of freedom of speech than us United States folks, but a lot of their graffiti was political. I was surprised that in Candelaría’s main plaza, there was a wall with lots of political commentary. E says he saw that wall being cleaned and was surprised once we got there that it was once again spray painted over with phrases, names and illustrations.

Instead of «¿Qué pasa?» or “What’s up?,” Colombians say «¿Qué más?», which literally means “What more?” or “What else?”

When you go shopping or need a service, ask a Rollo where that particular area or street is because there tends to be the same type of stores grouped together. In Candelaría, there were streets with a bunch of military surplus in a row, a couple of blocks with just paper stores, an area of religious stores. E needed to get a key made and we found an area of downtown with several locksmith shops. When we got caught in the Christmas tree lighting crowd we found a couple of blocks chock full of shoe stores.

Yes. We finished watching “Andromeda Strain” on Saturday before we resumed the souvenir hunt. I know that was just eating at you.

What to Eat in Colombia

2011-12-03T06:03:00.000-08:00

Colombia a la Orden

Ajiaco
Its like a potato stew with other veggies, kernels of giant corn and chicken in like a potato purée. When served, the diner adds cream and capers to it and then you eat it with avocado. It is a very yummy hearty dish, but not chock full of spices, just comfort. Here’s a recipe of the kind I had, which was Ajiaco Bogotano.

Arepa Boyacense
This is one of the best things I ate while I was in Bogotá, and I only ate one the whole time! Arepas are patties made out corn meal that are fried or grilled. Sometimes they have something inside, usually cheese. I’ve also seen recipes where you put stuff on top of them, like a pupusa. Arepas boyacense are a particular type from the Boyacá region, and they are made with yellow corn meal and are sweetened slightly and have cheese inside the patty. E and I stopped at a little arepa maker right on the sidewalk in Chapinero and bought this yummy little treat there. He’s says they’re the best he had. Here’s a recipe that looks like it might be able to recreate that flavor.

Empanadas
I think almost every culture has an empanada, or some kind of dough stuffed with something and then cooked. The Colombians are no different. I ate a couple of different empanadas while there and the best one was from a shop in the bus station in Villa de Leyva. It had chicken, rice and hardboiled eggs all seasoned to perfection.

Fruit Snacks
You might be thinking of the packaged things that come in shapes of dinosaurs or superheroes, but I’m thinking of the fruit that street vendors prepare, package and sell to passersby. I had mango prepared in two different ways: the standard spears and then spiral cut mango so that it looked like thick pasta noodles. With a little salt and the juice of half a special kind of lime with orange flesh (I googled it and came up with the Kassia Lime, but not sure if that’s it) mango spaghetti is absolutely perfect! E had some tasty watermelon squares in a cup, but there it is called patilla.

Aromática
E really wanted to try this beverage that we only saw being sold by street vendors in Candelaria. So, finally during frustrated moments on Saturday, we stopped and bought a couple cups and were quite pleased. Later we saw that our breakfast spot, Borinque, sells it, too. Of course, I started looking for the recipe as soon as I got home. I did some searches and wasn’t really able to find an exact recipe for this beverage, but that’s because its not really an exact thing. It seems like you take a big pot of hot water and you cut up a lot of fruit throw it in and add some herbs and spices and then let it simmer. How good it is depends on your available toss-ins and your ability or luck in putting together a great combination for a yummy sweet and spicy flavor. Here are a couple of sites that talk about it and give you an idea:
Boca Fresa Blog
Vida Surrealista Blog

Buñuelos
I don’t want to call them a doughnut hole, but they are kind of like that in the sense that they are breakfasty treats that go great with coffee or hot chocolate and buñuelos are kind of sweet. But that’s it. They taste very different from doughnuts and I’m not sure why I even brought doughnuts into the conversation. Let’s just focus: They’re a sweet cornbread and cheese combination rolled into a ball and fried. I really liked them. Here’s a recipe that looks good.

Tinto
What they call black coffee in Colombia, although I always added sugar to it. Tinto is usually served in a little espresso-sized cup, although I also got it in a regular coffee cup that just wasn’t filled all the way.

Tamales
Yes. They have tamales, too. The one I had was a big ball of masa filled with chicken (bone-in!), carrots, hardboiled eggs, garbanzo beans and some other treats and wrapped in banana leaves. It was delicious, but was too big for one meal.

Sweets + Cheese= Yum
A lot of their desserts and pastries often involved a mix of sweet stuff and cheese. E ordered an appetizer, platano maduro al horno, that was a baked plantain served with guava paste (bocadillo) and cheese. It was quite yum. Buñuelos are cheese and sweet corn, so are some arepas. A lot of places served chocolate con queso, which is hot chocolate served with semi-hard cheese to drop into the chocolate. It’s just the thing to do!

Cerveza Club Colombia
I like beer so I was really excited to find that the beer named after the country I was in was pretty darn good and was relatively cheap, too. I encountered two kinds, Club Colombia and Club Colombia Roja. I really liked the Roja, but it was harder to come by. So drink up if you’ve got it!

Restaurants

Tierra Buena, a restaurant in Villa de Leyva, which is situated in a refurbished colonial Spanish house where the rooms or quarters are occupied by different restaurants and all of the patrons sit in the open courtyard. They serve typical Colombian cuisine and the food was really good. E ordered a really good ceviche and I ordered sopa de cebolla y queso a la cerveza, onion cheese and beer soup. Sounds weird, but it tasted so, so good! You can find a recipe for the soup through the link above. Highly recommend!

We didn’t catch the name of the Italian place we ate at in Villa de Leyva, but it was definitely on Carrera 9 and I’m pretty sure it was south of the plaza. E ordered mushroom and chicken spaghetti and I ordered vegetable lasagna. Funny enough, the waittress mixed up our orders and brough mushroom and chicken lasagna and vegetable spaghetti. Despite the mix-up, we enjoyed our mixed up meals and the price was really cheap.

In the downtown area of Bogotá near the Museo del Oro on Avenida Jimenez, we grabbed dinner at Sanalejo, which is featured in the Lonely Planet guide and offers international cuisine. Both of us really like the interior design with was basically an eclectic mix of old stuff, irons, carpentry saws, etc. hung on the walls. I ordered a good-not-great ceviche de camarones con tamarindo (shrimp ceviche with tamarind) and a cheese plate. I've been red meat free for years (except by accident) until this night. I decided to try some of the ham that came on the cheese plate and I was happy I did.

When we ventured over to Zona Rosa, we sat down at El Portal de la Antigua to eat. I think it’s safe to say Antigua is a fine dining restaurant that offers typical Colombian cuisine. E ordered filete de róblado, and I ordered róblado a la Antigua. Róblado is a type of fish. It is snook in English, I think. We both like the other's dish better than our own. The food wasn’t bad, but by that time, we were used to better, so paying as much as we did wasn’t that great, but it was a nice experience nonetheless.

Casa Vieja is located right next to Sanalejo on Avenida Jimenez and when you go inside it feels like your sitting down at a restaurant in colonial times. There were portraits of military officers on the walls, hanging dishes on display, old fashioned ruffly curtains… But these weren’t your grandma’s boring decorations. It was tastefully done and it didn’t feel old and dusty. But I’m missing the point here: The food. Casa Vieja is where E ordered platanos maduros al horno and for our entrées he ordered pollo alcaparrado a la plancha and I got arroz con camarones. We were both quite happy with our meals. Both were really good meals. The service was great and the prices fair. Another high recommendation from me! The only downer is they don't stay open very late. We tried to go there after dark and they were already closed for the day. That's how we ended up at Sanalejo next door.

Central Cevichería. Central is in Zona Rosa and I’m not going to talk it up much because I was quite disappointed. Once we got past the hostess, the wait service was terrible. Our first waiter who was difficult to understand and too impatient to deal with us, passed us onto a second server who spoke English. Then the second server decided it wasn’t a good time to wait on us and began chatting up every employee that walked in his path instead of taking our orders. He finally did take our orders, right as we were about to get up and leave. It took him a while to actually bring our orders and we could tell from the temperature of our food. E wasn’t impressed with his ceviche, which was a creamy kind. I didn’t like it too much either. But he did get a side of this risotto-like rice that was quite yummy. I was quite happy with my order of róbalo parrillado servido sobre una ensalada de tomates asados (grilled snook served over a salad of grilled tomatoes with a fresh herb and garlic sauce. Our meal was definitely overpriced considering the lack of service and we decided to handle it accordingly.

Borinque is a bakery that E and I walked to almost every day for breakfast. It is located in La Octavia, a small market area walking distance from the family’s neighborhood. They were lots of different breads there and I tried as many as I could over the week. There was a roll with an eruption of cheese coming out the top that was great. They had another roll that was cinnamony bread with guava paste inside that went amazingly well with with a tinto in the morning. It is hard to describe different breads. I say just go to a bakery buy a couple of different items order a tinto and enjoy. The other thing we enjoyed about Borinque, was watching vallenato videos (Vallenato is a type of music from Colombia that sort of sounds like it could be cumbia, but isn’t. You just have to hear it.) with personal ads ticker taping on the bottom of the screen. Good laughs abound!

Fleecing Myself

2011-11-25T10:52:00.000-08:00

My next vacation is taking me to somewhere cold, that is very close to somewhere warm, so I'm being warned to layer. The best layering vestment out there is fleece! Ah! Glorious fleece! Why would I ever have doubted you?
Well, it wasn't really doubt, it was just that I never found a piece I was interested in buying that was at the same time priced for me to purchase. Which is quite surprising since I have a great collection of jackets. I even have a whole closet dedicated to items purchased to keep me warm. Yep. For real, ya'll. It is called the Jacket Closet.

So I spent some time searching for fleeces and this is what I've learned.
There are different grades of fleece, which usually means, some fleeces are thicker and therefore warmer than others.
If you're looking for the warmest fleece possible, I'd recommend going with North Face or Columbia brand fleeces. They have the different levels of fleece available in their collection, but all of them are very pricey. I have encountered Colombia brand fleeces in resale stores (e.g. Marshall's, Ross, etc.) for a steep discount, but that will definitely limit your style, size and color selection. Plus, those are usually not the warmest they offer. JCPenny also sells Colombia brand and is always having a sale or offering discount coupons in newspapers. Those are the best fleeces available.

I'm sure if you look and feel around you can find a warm grade of fleece for less than North Face or Columbia. My mom found a St. John's brand uber-warm fleect at JCPenny. You can find fleeces everywhere in the fall or winter. Off the top of my head, Target has some, Old Navy, Sears, JCPenny, Kohl's all the resalers.
The problem with the cheaper fleeces you will find is that they pill and/or they shed. So find some people you know (otherwise this will be weird) with fleeces and feel their fleece so you can start to judge how a quality or cheap fleece feels like. I do have one fleece, which I call my car jacket, because I leave it in the car just in case I need something to keep me warm. It is a sport style, so it has thumb holes at the end of the sleeves, which I love, but it pills alot and attracts and holds onto a lot of lint. Ugh. That's why it stays in the car.

I ended up purchasing 4 (what was I thinking!) fleeces. I found a really awesome style at Land's End that is longer, so it covers my bum, has a hood and is is fitting, so its flattering to the figure. Unfortunately, I didn't really like the color selection. So I only got the grey.
I then went ahead and purchased 3 different colored fleeces from Old Navy. I had a discount and I really liked their color selection, plus they didn't feel too cheap. The taupe color is perfect, but the crimson is way too bright for my liking and I don't know what I was thinking ordering another gray fleece. So those two will get returned.
I ended up with 2 that I really like and will fit very nicely into my jacket closet.

New photos on Belle Pose L.A.

2011-10-09T16:10:00.000-07:00

Click here to travel to the Belle Pose L.A. blog.

Things That Make Me Laugh: Funny Signs in LAT

2011-10-03T14:47:00.001-07:00

Check out this great compilation:

Warning: These weird and wacky signs may tickle you

Some Street Art Posted on Belle Pose

2011-09-28T22:29:00.000-07:00

A new post on Belle Pose features an interesting piece of street art.

New post on Sort of a Librarian: The Roach

2011-09-26T13:34:00.001-07:00

Visit Sort of a Librarian to read about dirty customers at the library! Ugh.

Doo-Wop 2 Hiphop Festival @ Allensworth

2011-08-10T12:07:00.001-07:00

http://doo-wop2hiphop.com/
Not sure if I'm going to this event, but there's a couple of interesting elements I wanted to point out.
1. Its at Allensworth State Park. My thesis is the history of the Allensworth Library so I spent some time there and in nearby Tulare for research.
2. One of the performers is Ill Camille. Over the years, my cousins have come up with some cool nicknames for me. Ras G, my producer/turntablist extraordinaire cousin, came up with, and continues to call me Come Ill. If I ever got into the hiphop/turntablist scene somehow, that would be my moniker.

Ducktales Mirage

2011-08-06T14:16:00.001-07:00

I was sitting at my desk at work when someone in the break room turned on the TV to watch. A couple minutes later I hear the Ducktales theme song and really quickly my brain flashed: What? Ducktales is on TV, again? What channel? What time is it? Can i record it? And then i started singing along..."What you do is just grab on to some duck tales! A-woo-hoo!"

POP! The bubble burst. A staff member walks to the door and says "Oh! You like that ringtone?"

Sad.

LAPD Has Traffic Ticket Quotas? Huh. Who Would've Thought.

2011-08-04T16:02:00.000-07:00

(click on the title for the link to the article)
This is an interesting one. I don’t like the idea of spurious ticket writing, but I think it has been time for the cops to write more moving violation tickets. And if the LAPD had a quota, it must be pretty low because I see at least 5 almost-an-accidents every day caused by bad drivers (and pedestrians) doing collision-causing moves and not paying attention. Where are the police then?
I won’t even bring up cell phones. People just don’t pay attention while they’re driving. I’m guilty of it sometimes, but there are way too many distractions going on on the road and besides it; A previous accident, giant LCD billboards that keep changing, dancing statues of liberty, signs flipping and twirling in the air, hookers or hooker-like folks, yelling mentally challenged folks, funny balloon characters doing the snake. What are good drivers to do?
And then there are the people who just can’t drive. How did they get a license? Why doesn’t everyone know you really should speed up if you’re trying to pass someone? Why doesn’t everyone just get in the lane they need to be in so they won’t have to try and merge frantically at the last minute? Stop trying to outrun buses! Stop turning non-lanes into your own personal speed zone. Don’t drive into opposing traffic. And for goodness sakes people, STOP TURNING AFTER THE LIGHT IS RED! THAT’S WHAT THE YELLOW IS FOR! JEEZ!
So back the original topic, not sure if I care if the LAPD has a quota because there are plenty of legitimate tickets that need to be given. I do feel bad for the officers who were punished for not meeting their illegal quota. It would suck if your boss wrote you up for not breaking the law. Simmer on that, folks.

Masterpiece Classic 2011 Season Roundup

2011-07-08T23:49:00.000-07:00

Upstairs Downstairs- I unfortunately never saw the original, but I was pleased with this redux. It wasn't spectacular, life altering or award-deserving. In a nutshell, its the story of a young couple and a semi-controlling mother-in-law who move into the long abandoned house that was featured in the original series. Some of the original household staff return and some new characters join in on the drama.

Downton Abbey- Cursed cliffhangers! This first half of this split series was amazing. Unfortunately, audiences are forced to wait until the next Masterpiece Classic season for the second half. This is the story of of an upper-class family that occupies Downton Abbey, only to find out that due to the death of a key relative, the house falls into the ownership of a middle-class and anti-aristocrat, radical-thinking cousin. The occupying family finds themselves maneuvering and figuring out the best way to keep things as close to status-quo as possible. These sort of period dramas are constructed upon the foundation of ill communications that result from class protocols and heavily-burdening tact. Although that can get annoying at times, I find it fun to consider how I would deal with these class roles. There's a lot of seriousness, but there's some funny parts, too. I love the story and the characters are quite endearing. I want to be a mouse living in the walls of this English household!

Any Human Heart- a wonderful look at a the painful life of a man, son, husband, father, lover and writer. I have to admit. I'm a sucker for depressing drama. This series, unlike last year's Winter's Bone and Blue Valentine was uplifting in a way. Instead of sucking its audience down into a dismal pit of despair, Any Human Heart tries to prove wrong that the "owner of a lonely heart [is] much better than a owner of a broken heart." A broken heart, like the main character's has lived and loved where a lonely heart would have missed out.
I guess I kinda see this story as very similar to my own. My personal motto has long been "Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon." (I also like "Walk softly and carry a big stick."). Heartbreak seems to follow me down any romantic path I go. But I can't help, but to keep walking.

South Riding- Eh. I easily tore my eyes from this 3-parter, doing other tasks while it played on the teley. The story is of a Londoner who moves back to her hometown to become the headmistress of the girl's high school. She has to contend with old-schoolisms and falls for a guy who doesn't seem to appreciate what she's trying to do for the town's young women. This series failed miserably in its efforts to draw me in. I felt like it all moved too fast and the story was seriously undeveloped. There was this creepy, sexually obsessed preacher character who was who's story line just kind of fell flat. This is one I would skip.

Masterpiece Classic

Hello, Sort of a Librarian! Goodbye, Music Cooked Rare

2011-06-22T17:11:00.001-07:00

Some changes in my blogging have occurred and I decided to shift some stuff around. My live music blog, Music Cooked Rare has now been re-integrated with my everything blog, Sort of a Life. I figure, I don't write that much anyway, so I might as well combine the two.
But, for the sake of my career, I decided to evict all the library entries. They've found a new place just outside of downtown. No roaches, but the neighbors are loud. Its called Sort of a Librarian. That blog has all of the library-related content from Sort of a Life and also my Yahoo! blog which had no name, but I was using for my program and craft ideas as well as book lists.
You'll also notice some tagging changes. Those make it easier for readers who aren't in my head and don't know what the hell ADNM means.
Overall, these changes make it better for me and since I'm the one who reads my blog the most, then, yeah. That's good.
Add a pinch of ginger. Shake until everything is well distributed. Enjoy.

What to Eat in Austin

2010-11-22T10:09:00.000-08:00

Recently got back from a weekend trip visiting my friend in Austin, TX. I love her because the time we spend together is usually focused on sharing good music and good edibles with each other. This is my second time visiting her in Austin and both times we did a tour of the local food trailer scene....fast, cheap, gourmet food. We also patronized some bricks-and-mortar eateries and shops. To top it off she made an amazing vegetarian, Castillian garlic soup! I dream of this soup, but she's holding back on giving me the recipe....ARGH!
If you find yourself in Austin, here are a few places you really should patronize. Not only so you can have good food, but I really need them to be in business the next time I visit!

Torchy's damn good tacos. Get the Dirty Sanchez or fried avocado taco for a damn good, crunchy oral adventure. Two tacos by themselves did the trick.

You're in Texas, so the idea of fried vegetables shouldn't be foreign. So go pop some hot fried beets from East Side King into your mouth. A bath in hot grease transforms those dirty roots into sweet chunks that have an almost potato-like texture, except smoother. And then the sprinkling of salt adds a simple, yet delicious contrast. Hope I can recreate this in my kitchen.

Want breakfast? How about eggs benedict Rosi @ Fabi & Rosi? Great combination of flavors and the bread is grilled (I think?) to just the right crispness. There's also a meat-eater's alternative eggs benedict Fabi, with porkbelly...yes, I said it. Porkbelly. And according to the people I was hanging with, it was amazing.

Please stop by Gourdough's and get a modified Mother Clucker doughnut with maple syrup icing instead of honey butter. I freaking love the combination of fried chicken and maple syrup!

Thirsty after that fried chicken and doughnut? Stop by Zhi Tea for they're great flavored teas. Turkish Spice Mint, Blood Orange, Coconut Assam, and Sweet Desert Delight are all worth buying full tins of, but thank goodness Zhi offers sampler packs! Try! Try! Try!

Wanting another oral trip off the continent? Try Rio's salgadinhos. The spinach one is good, and unfortunately I can't remember the name of the one I had. All I know is it had chicken and was made with yucca flour and was amazingly delicious. Don't forget an order of yucca fries, and while you're at it buy a bottle of their dipping sauce for me because its amazing!
I'll eventually get to putting up some pics, I'm just slow!

Ongkanon

2010-09-19T08:47:00.000-07:00

this should have been posted in May 2010. i've written this blog in my head far too many times and i woke up this morning with an itch to finally type it out.

ongkanon- angel of communication (helps us recognise our feelings and express these positively)

ongkanon is a guybrarian (a rare, normal, male librarians). after some prodding from co-workers to meet this great new guy, i finally met ongkanon during a work meeting. i was definitely intrigued.
on our first date we strolled around ucla's campus, went to a classical music performance, ate delicious italian food and made out like teenagers. it was awesome.
the kissident
on the next date, i think, we ended up at my place. i made him dinner, we talked and laughed. eventually we started another make out session. this time horizontal. after a bit, he pulled me up so that we were both sitting indian style face-to-face, with me nearly on top of him. we continued to make out, but then he stopped the session and asked me why my eyes were closed.
this launched a very serious discussion, which completely quashed the mood and marked the decline of this very relationship. basically, he wanted us to stare into each other's eyes while making out. i let him know that i was uncomfortable with kissing with my eyes open, and furthermore, that the level of intimacy he was attempting to achieve was something i would be looking for way, way into the future, most likely with a husband and not someone i've been on a few dates with. his response was that his feelings for me had already reached that point. i was dumbfounded and ended the night there.

we hung out a few times after that, but the more we saw each other the more i realized that he had emotionally surpassed me and that i had reached a plateau in my feelings for him because of the incompatibility of our personalities. ong was very passive and submissive and that personality brought out the nagging bitch in me. a side of myself i have worked very hard over the years to minimize as it makes me a very unpleasant person to be around.
in fact, i will take this opportunity to apologize to anyone who has experienced the brunt of nagging camille when unwarranted. i'm sorry. that must've been rough.

anyway, ong would always defer to me to make all decisions. should we eat japanese or thai? my place or yours? lunch or dinner? should i eat chicken or fish? should we go left or right?
here's an absurd example:
he had picked me up for a lunch date and because i had already recognized his lack of a sense of direction and i knew about his submissive personality, i told him when i got in the car that i have no idea where we're going, i've never been to the area where the restaurant is and i don't know how to get there so don't ask me. the whole trip (all of 10 minutes) he's asking me, "should i turn here? I don't see it, do you think we should make a u-turn? What do you think the restaurant looks like?"
he has GPS, by the way.
so as we progressed, i pulled away even more from him for both of our benefits. when i was around him i was nagging and even though he liked me, i hated the person i became. i told him he should find a woman who can lead him, but do it in a more compassionate way.
we continued to hang out for a while, but just as friends, lunch buddies or the occasional public event. he held on for a while, still claiming that the sun shone out of my ass, but i knew i didn't like him and that he deserved someone who would treat him better than a nag so i stood strong against his barrage of romantic invites and his attempts to sneak hugs and kisses. he eventually got the message.

i feel like this situation was just the opposite of Something New. ong was pining after me while his feelings for me far surpassed mine for him. the difference is something new took a while to recognize the situation and/or react, where as i saw it very clearly laid before me and said the things that needed to be said as soon as possible because i had just experienced what i was going to have to do ong.

let the past light your path. i certainly try.

Farmer Camille

2010-08-02T09:43:00.001-07:00

i had a really good conversation with ryan last night and at one point he asked me why i was so into farming and had come to the decision that i want to own a farm some day. sidebar: last time my cousin dion was in l.a. we had a fabulous dinner at versailles and during our wandering discussion of life we both came to the conclusion that we see ourselves settling down on a farm. the discussion was way more in depth, but this is only a sidebar!
i was surprised at my answer. i told him that a lot of my life i've been alone, and worse, felt lonely. and especially in those times, when i find myself in nature, surrounded by green things, then i get this sense of finally being a part of something and that i'm not alone. why does a plant have this affect on me? beats me. i just know that i love the feeling and really should make more opportunities to experience it. hiking does the trick. going to the farmer's market hits the spot. the beach, although not green in the plant sense, still is teeming with life!
so i see myself in retirement (or sooner if i win a large sum of money!)stepping just outside of my kitchen to pick some fresh mint for my tea, as i look out over my food garden and the hills of green just beyond it.

LLN: Manga puts boy in extensive therapy? I Think Not!

2010-07-14T09:39:00.000-07:00

its been a while, folks, but i finally found a story worth reporting on Local Library News. Please follow the link to read the story: Mom: Son in 'extensive therapy' after viewing library book.
can you find a better title than that. i'll wait until you finish reading, its a quick article......not yet? okay. How about now? Great.

this is a prime example of parents shucking their parental duties and leaving the crap for us service workers to pick up. i say it at least once a day, so it should be on the blog, too: I AM NOT A BABYSITTER. the library is a place for you to share with your kids, not drop them off and hope for the best. you are supposed to explore the shelves with them and/or teach them how to explore the shelves on their own. we don't (and its really against our ethics) to police what adults or kids pick up or check out for their own purposes.

that being said, what's really going on here? a crazy lady, who clearly passed on her hanging-by-a-thread-sanity to her child is blaming the library for her child "being in a home for extensive therapy." One itty bitty manga didn't drive your kid insane. you did.

Here! Here! to the crestview library staff. may they stand (as long as their bricks and mortar last) up to the book burners, zealots and crazies toting a solid policy and excellent customer service as their tools.

fight on.

What Are We Doing?

2010-05-08T20:31:00.000-07:00

over the past week i've watched food, inc., king corn, dirt! the movie and garbage dreams and subsequently i've been doing a lot of reading about what humans eat, where it comes from, and what happens to all of the trash that results from it. this has been pretty depressing.

humans suck. they're greedy. they only care about themselves. they only think about their most immediate concerns without any regard of the consequences of their actions. i keep saying "they" as if i'm not one of them. of us (hopefully there are only humans reading this).

i feel pretty guilty about being a part of this greed cycle. i try to recycle as much as i can. try not to waste. but its hard to ignore the fact that i often feel forced to buy into the greed cycle and support the companies that are destroying lives and dirt.

there's only so much i can do, but i'm going to try and do it. i'm working on buying sustainable, local and organic. check this out: www.localharvest.org. you can subscribe to a local farm and get a variety of fresh produce every week. i'm already avoiding a lot of processed foods. buy fresh!

but it seems like so little and to really get away from the greed cycle i would need to purchase a piece of land, construct a mud edifice using my own dirt and start my own farm using biodiesel vehicles. i'm not ready to do all that...yet.

but there is a ray of hope in all this: i'm not normally an optimist, but with all these documentaries and news stories coming out and people becoming more aware of the issues and doing their own little bit, maybe some things will change for the better.

by the way, if you have a spare few bucks, donate to your local PBS station. the programming is only getting better.

What I Learned at the LA Times Book Festival 2010

2010-04-25T09:01:00.000-07:00

1. although i try to be nice and happy, inside i'm just a mean curmudgeon. case in point: there was a person who had a frighteningly large body part (see! i'm still trying to be nice) and i fought hard not to whip out my camera and photograph it. my hand, pulled out my camera despite what my mind was screaming at it, but thankfully i gained control before the hand could turn it on and hold it up to the body part in question. other than that, there was lots of under-the-breath commentary that a couple of my fellow volunteers caught and laughed about. a couple of people i made clear, audible, ambiguous exclamations regarding that my fellow volunteers immediately caught onto, and laughed about.
at a certain point, we realized we required more clipboards than the one we had. so they sent me down to our building on the ucla campus to go find one. unfortunately, there were no other clipboards available, but i saw several occupied clipboards that were not being held in actual human hands. i also knew that i was basically alone in the cubicle city. i softly caressed the idea of stealing. of removing the paper from the boards and just taking them, but i'm a nice person (or trying to be) so i just walked around and questioned people on different floors who were also void of clipboards.
i can't steal. i won't steal. i can't steal. i won't steal.
i improvise! found some really thick booklets and some big binder clips, ran back to our booth. damned if they didn't work better than the clipboard!
so, i'm not so bad a person, am i? i'm also a bit creative, and not a bad person (no pun intended) to have around in a pinch. camille macguyver.
anyway, my fellow volunteers recommended a couple of websites that would make me feel better that i will now share with you:
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/
and
http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

2. i'm desperate. i am so want of a male, romantic companion that i spent the entire day looking into the faces of each and every man that i walked past, that walked into the booth, that i was working with that day and tried to find "the one." sometimes i'm so afraid that my desperation is so freakin' obvious that i will scare people away. i think that so far, my awkwardness at flirting has created enough comedic material to be a buffer between my desperation and men fleeing from me in droves.
so, yeah. in my head i just kept yelling over and over: "you whore! will you just stop!!"
don't worry, i must stink because i got no response. straight hair and all.

i went home for the evening, ordered some sushi delivery and watched crime shows i had dvr'd over the week. i fell asleep at around 10.

Online Dating Profile

2010-02-05T19:12:00.000-08:00

the following is cut and paste from a couple of different profiles (myspace, chemistry.com, okcupid...). i hate it! it sounds like such a dating profile. i'm surprised i didn't add "enjoys long walks on the beach and romantic candle-lit dinners!" i much prefer my eharmony profile, which is another reason i liked that dating site more: they asked better questions.

Self Summary:
fun, generous, honest, tactful, frugal, silly and smart.
i love to laugh, dance, listen to music, watch tv, travel, read, walk, increase my heart rate, and cook.
i love to talk, in fact i can't date anyone who i have a hard time conversing with. i also love to write, but for all of you grammar buffs out there: i'm not perfect, and i prefer to type in lowercase when typing online. i'd like to think i write at a los angeles times level of reading!

i am dedicated to being of service to people and enjoying my life at the same time. i'm an l.a. native who loves this town. i like to spend time finding and doing as much as i can here. there are enough concerts, festivals, restaurants, arts and neighborhoods to to explore for the rest of my life, but i also like to fit in some short out-of-state trips. in the future i'll be able to plan some longer trips to more distant places.

my friends describe me as a really cool person, but of course they would! i'm usually down to try anything at least once. i can easily do a couch-potato day as well as hiking or taking a surprise road trip.

What I'm Doing with My Life:
i'm a children's librarian. you may not think so, but its a very complex job. i enjoy planning storytimes, art activities, community outreach and budgeting.

outside of work, i watch a lot of tv and movies, but I also love spending time outside of my apartment. My leisure time is split between tv/movie watching, talking/hanging with friend and family, then taking advantage of the open air in any way that sounds fun. I love to cook, go to festivals, concerts, performances, travel and shop. Dancing, walking and hiking are my favorite forms exercise, but I'm trying to bike and kayak a lot more.

Favorites:
my favorite books are Portable Promised Land by Toure, Serena by Ron Rash, Skulldugery Pleasant (I & II) by Derek Landy, Assasination Vacation by Sarah Vowell and Fables by Arnold Lobel.

some of my favorite movies are Black Orpheus, Donnie Darko, Shawshank Redemption, Monsoon Wedding, Closer, Beat Street; To Sir, With Love; Saturday Night Fever, Breakfast Club, Stranger Than Fiction, Let the Right One In and Paris Je T'Aime amongst others.

my cd/mp3/record collection includes lots of hiphop, world beat, jazz and house. i love live music, the sound of flutes, naked guitar strumming, smooth bass rips, coltrane, jamiroquai, dilla, duplaix, fela, bebel, zap mama, fleet foxes and diamond...i'm open to suggestions of new music to listen to. watcha got?

my favorite foods so far are caribbean, soul, southern, italian, thai, chinese, mediterranean, indian and japanese.

6 Things:
family & friends
people (gotta love 'em!)
my glasses
the act of finding beauty in things (especially sunshine)
music/tv/movies/internet
lip balm

OKCupid

2010-02-05T18:23:00.000-08:00

i didn't mean to, but i guess i got myself going on discussing my history of internet dating bit by bit. before i joined eharmony, i found a free online service called okcupid. out of all the free dating sites i've tried, okcupid looks the best and has the best profile set up. best of all the profile set it is fun! i love answering questions and doing surveys and that is the method that okcupid uses to match up people: they rate your personality based on the questions you answered and match you up to people with similar ratings. and they have hundreds of questions!
although the profile set-up was fun, there were no good ends to justify the means. in other words, the men i was being matched with were not viable options.

My EHarmony Profile

2010-02-05T09:57:00.000-08:00

I paid for three months in spring 2009 and then another three months in winter. I wouldn't say that EHarmony was a bad service because I met some interesting men. I do say that I didn't find anyone for me on there. I've let my membership lapse. I don't plan on renewing. Without making any specific effort, I'm returning to real world dating.
Anyway, here is my profile. I think its actually a good representation of me.

What are you most passionate about?
Doing my best at work and being of service to people. Making the most out of what I've got and enjoying life.

What are THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?

life. the motivation and ability to get up each day. being in generally good health.
family and friends
a tie between my job and my car

Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
One of my aunts is pretty amazing. She has traveled and lived around the world, had a successful career, is financially savvy and a patron of the arts. I hope i can be as cool as her when I'm her age.

The four things your friends say about you are:

Rational
Intelligent
Caring
Easy-Going

What are three of your BEST life-skills?

Cooking for my family and friends
Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things
Achieving personal goals

What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
ability to fit comfortably in each other's lives. honesty and openness. shared interests.

Other than your appearance what is the first thing that people notice about you?
that i don't act like a typical "l.a." girl and i don't fit easily into stereotypes.

What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
its the little things, the small details i appreciate the most.

How do you typically spend your leisure time?
My leisure time is split between tv/movie watching, talking/hanging with friends and family, then taking advantage of the open air in any way that's fun. I love to cook, go to festivals, concerts, performances, travel and shop. Dancing, walking and hiking are my favorite forms exercise, but I find myself kayaking and biking, too.

What are five things that you "can't live without?"

family/friends, people. (gotta love 'em)
the ability to appreciate the world around me
personal space
media! podcasts, music, tv, movies, books...
lip balm and my car

Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
just finished the audiobook of the graveyard book by neil gaiman. its a really good book and i like the audio of it because gaiman reads it himself, which makes the story even better. i listened to coraline a couple months ago and that was an amazing book. i also just finished the audio of the first book in the sister's grimm series. that was a fun story. i'll start the next book soon.
i'm in the middle of let the right one in. the movie is definitely one of my favorites and the book is really good so far, too.

Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.
ask them if you get a chance.

Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
i like to answer questions so please ask them.

Must Haves
Autonomy...
I must have a partner who will give me space to be my own person.
Intellect...
I must have a partner who is bright and can share my understanding of the world as well as enjoy discussing important issues.
Sense of Humor...
I must have someone who is sharp and can enjoy the humorous side of life.
Shared Interests...
I must have someone who is willing to share my interests and passions.
Communicator...
I must have someone who is good at talking and listening.
Responsible...
My partner must be financially responsible.
Emotionally Generous...
I must have a partner who enjoys people and is generous with his or her compassion, attention, sympathies and love.
Conflict Resolver...
I must have a partner who will work to resolve rather than win arguments or conflicts within our relationship.
Strong Character...
I must have a partner who is honest and strong enough to do the right thing.
Chemistry...
I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner.

Can't Stands
Fiscally Irresponsible...
I can't stand someone who is incapable of managing their money.
Recklessness...
I can't stand someone who has a careless and irresponsible manner when with others.
Extremely Shy...
I can't stand someone who is so shy that they cannot open up and share with me.
Poor Hygiene...
I can't stand someone who is not clean.
Materialistic...
I can't stand someone who sees material items as a measure of success.
Racist...
I can't stand someone who believes that any particular ethnic group to which they belong is superior to the rest of humanity.
Undependable...
I can't stand someone who fails to come through and is unreliable.
Infidelity...
I can't stand someone who engages in sex outside a committed relationship.
Mean Spirited...
I can't stand someone who has a devious nature and is mean to others.
Sexually Obsessed...
I can't stand someone who is sexually obsessive.

Mandolin with Chris Thile

2010-01-24T22:48:00.000-08:00

Location: UCLA's Royce Hall
Price: $46 for two
Partner(s) in Crime: Angel
Review: there is something wonderfully forbidden about classical music live. like the game of tennis, it was meant to be enjoyed and played solely by an elite class of people, but has proven to be a very welcoming and catholic (lower case) art form. a thing of beauty will find a way out of its cage.
whenever i go to a classical performance, i imagine myself a jean-clad, sneaker wearing interloper among a crowd of america's high society. but lo, i usually find myself besides someone just as informal if not even worse than i am. birkenstocks and hawaiian shirts, sometimes. maybe its because i always sit in cheap seats.

well this concert was no different. i heard a commercial for it on KPCC: the l.a. chamber orchestra to play appalachian spring by copeland. you may not know if from the title, but you've heard this piece at least once in your lifetime. its been in commercials, on tv and included on movie scores. and i thought it would be awesome to see it played live. on top of copeland, chris thile of nickel creek fame would be debuting his mandolin concerto. who am i to pass this opportunity?
i bought tickets on the double and found myself in the balcony, stage right, of royce hall.
the concert was magical. hearing Appalachian Spring transported me to a carolinian mountain side, with a babbling creek, little woodland creatures, and sunshine coming through the trees. it was exactly what i had hoped for. the rest of the copeland pieces that were played were also really good. thile's concerto was interesting, but didn't sell me on his classical music. i'll stick to appreciating his more folky stuff.

all applause to the los angeles chamber orchestra who played masterfully and beautifully. i plan on taking advantage of the the ability to interlope into this scene whenever possible.

Something New Gets a Christmas Card

2009-12-28T12:49:00.000-08:00

i felt like i had to say something so i sent something new (read about him in previous posts) a christmas card. i just received an email response thanking me for the card and wishing me a happy christmas. i wasn't expecting an email or any response, but i had a feeling i would crumble into tears if he called, texted or whatever. i didn't have the reaction i expected, though. i was rather calm, actually. i sent a quick "sho nuff" in response to his hopes of me having a good christmas and that was that.
for a while i've been dwelling on my relationship with him and wondering if it is him i miss or the relationship. in writing and sending that christmas card and now in receiving a response i have come to the conclusion that i don't miss the person, i miss the relationship, or rather, the the first two months we dated when our relationship was 100% awesome.
i miss it. i miss it dearly. i felt so at home and comfortable and safe and appreciated and sexy and cute. it was the most wonderful relationship i've ever had. if he would have asked me to marry him then, i would have said yes and walked to the corner of labrea and wilshire, to the albertson's wedding chapel, and got it done right then.
so now, i'm in pursuit of something beautiful like that. i'm not in pursuit of him because he can no longer provide that for me.
it feels good sorting out this information in my brain. filing something new under "been there/done that" and cross-referencing it with "extreme happiness/sadness."

The She-DVD-Pilferer

2009-12-21T21:25:00.000-08:00

This is Belinda Nomoustachorbeard for ZBT's Local Library News. Leading the news today is a tale of excess, denial and wonder....from the webpages of Dumb as a Blog is the story of the Iowa City Public Library's very own She-DVD-Pilferer. She checks 'em out, but doesn't bring 'em back.
Dumb as a Blog: Library Scofflaw Booked
This woman abused her library privileges to obtain 53 different titles and has yet to return them. After sending a stern letter from the library reminding her to uphold the policies she signed her name to, This should be a lesson to all library users that fine accrual does not pay. That brings us to the end of another segment of ZBT's Local Library News. Thanks for tuning in folks and remember to pay attention to the fiction between the pages and the action between the aisles!

Your Local Library News

2009-12-21T20:52:00.000-08:00

here's an audio promo that me and my best friend dante recorded for the library summer reading program. i loved creating the voice of belinda nomoustachorbeard and i think it would be fun to translate her character and possibly gary fancypants into fictitional news anchors reporting on zany, but true library news.
stay tuned, folks, for your local library news!

Another Media-ful Weekend

2009-12-20T22:43:00.000-08:00

Friday
after hanging out on the stoop with a few members of the cochran crew, i came indoors and proceeded to clean my apartment while watching episodes of Body of Evidence and other crime shows until i fell asleep.

Saturday
i don't know why i waited so long to actually listen to this album when i really like two of the yeah yeah yeahs previous albums. ITS BLITZ came out in march and i finally listened to it while at work this past saturday and it is AWESOME! it leans a bit more towards pop/rock than their other albums and can definitely be pitted against the ting tings' album (love their multiple names!). but karen o still brings her hard-edged voice, which sets them and about half of the album apart from the ting tings and anything poppy. and to top it off, they made another love song, hysteric, and this one is definitely up to par with maps.

after work, i went home and watched some movies, starting with ECOUTE LE TEMPS. an unremarkable french film about a sound engineer who's mother was murdered. she uses her sound equipment to capture audio from the past that plays over and over in her mother's cottage. this audio helps her find the killer. not bad.
then i watched the new STAR TREK. maybe i was too tired or distracted, but i didn't really catch onto the excitement this film was supposed to bring. i think my excite-o-meter is off, so i'll just have to watch this, again at another time.

Sunday
i watched all the Ghost Hunters, House Hunters and Real Estate Interventions that i had available on demand. then i did some other things around the apartment. after dinner i watched BEING JOHN MALCOVICH. i really enjoyed how the "i love yous" got thrown around in this movie. it was funny and i think this might fit perfectly in my magical-realism movie collection.
Finally, bedtime rolled around, but sleep eluded me. In between bouts of consciousness I watched MEET THE BROWNS, SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS 2 and ELEGY. I'm sure there was more, but I can't recall at the moment. I finally fell into full sleep around 4:30 a.m. and woke up around 8:00 a.m. monday morning.

Reference Questions From Beyond: Imagination

2009-12-16T22:07:00.000-08:00

Question: "I need a book on imagination."
Customer: a girl in the 3rd grade and her father
What They Were Really Looking For: after excavating her request (aka the reference transaction) i found out that her assignment really was to define imagination as well as how one develops it and uses it. fucking ridiculous.
this is another great example of stupid teachers handing out stupid assignments. dissecting imagination is hardly 3rd grade level work. and i would really like to see a teacher walk into the average public library and find a book that is on their reading level that would satisfy that assignment, let alone on a level that is appropriate for a 3rd grader. idiots!
What Materials Were Checked Out: Could You, Would You by Trudy White and the American Heritage Children's Dictionary for a definition of imagination.

These Shoes Were Made for Walking

2009-12-15T22:27:00.000-08:00

just got back from a walk around my neighborhood, taking my new walking shoes (ok, they're not really walking shoes, but have you seen how ugly really walking shoes are? yuck. these running shoes are cute and obviously work perfectly fine at a slower gait!) out for a spin and my feet and legs feel great! in fact, they feel like they've had a better work out than after my couple of jaunts out with the reebok easy tones.
i was going to write this blog bashing the effectiveness of easy tones, but the internet searching i did in preparation to write clued me in to the fact that there are multiple styles of easy tones and the ones i have seem to be older. i'd be interested in trying the newer styles and see if they would have a better effect. so, if reebok reps are reading this: HOLLA! i would love to give a new pair of easy tones a try. how about the reinspire. these will do just fine, thanks!

Me'Shell Ndegeocello & J*Davey

2009-10-25T22:29:00.000-07:00

Location: El Rey Theatre
Price: $64 for two
Partner(s) in Crime: Dante
Rating: AWESOME! by far the best concert of 2009. i've seen j*davey multiple times and they were great. but me'shell's show blew me away. she had this very awesome drummer, deantoni parks, who made the drum set sound as if it were an electronic drum machine. i actually got warm for his form when he started playing the opening to "love you down."
hands down i'd go see either of these artists again and again.

Miami Trippin' 2009 Part II

2009-10-18T21:33:00.001-07:00

sunday. the big day. other than hanging out with my friend, king and partaking in the great weather, my other reason for trippin' to miami was the miami carnival. apparently, this carnival is a big to-do for the caribbean people of miami, and possibly the east coast. which is funny, because the white and non-caribbean people do not even know this carnival is a big deal if they even know about it all.
after sleeping in for a while, king & i got up, got ready and headed for the train station. we took miami public transit to meet up with the rest of the miami carnival crew (alex, king, autumn, gabrielle, dani, a girl who's name i can't remember, king and i) @ the entrance. by the way, they have a smaller system called the people mover that seems to be centralized to the downtown area. its free! you can move around their downtown area sans money and all the way until the late night. consider it in your travels, folks.
back to the story. king purchased our tickets and we all waded through the sea of carvinal-goers and conquered the stiff security that totally missed my sigg water bottle, but caught gabrielle's plastic bottle, and we were finally in.
hmmm. how do i describe this? there was an amazing, awe inspiring, unbelievable, incredible amount of people in this space. about 98% of them were caribbean. 99% were dancing to the 15+ sets of speakers that were each blaring out a different soca song. 50% of the crowd was watching parade of bands, which probably made up another 40% of the people there. the last 10% were the vendors and security.
what's a band you ask? well its not what i would picture if i was trying to picture a caribbean band, which involves red, yellow and green knit hats, dredlocks and steel drums. a band is a large group of people dressed or undressed similarly, usually wearing the same color scheme and following a large flatbed truck rigged up with many speakers the size of a smart cars that are running off the energy provided by a generator, which is also rigged onto the truck. there's a d.j., and an emcee sorta fellow, who is yelling instructions to the gaggle of people. many of the bands also had a queen that represented them. the queens wear a costume that is 200 times more elaborate than the rest of the groups. many of them involve feathers, gauzy fabrics stretched out on wire frames and of course obscene amounts of sequins. a parade of these bands went all over the park area where this carnival took place and at a certain point they reach the judging stage where they were expected to perform a routine.
right before they get to the stage there is a prep area and we parked ourselves on the hill that over-looked this. from here we can see all the costumes, hear the crazy emcees and also are allowed a distant view of the judging stage.
the stage. this was insane to me, but quite entertaining. apparently, after the queen goes up there and does a jig, the entire group jumps onto the stage. now maybe i didn't mention that these bands are comprised of lots of people. at least 50+ in each of them. gaggles i tell you. and they all jump on this stage that is probably about 20 ft by 20 ft. it was scary and amusing at the same time. we kept staring at the stage and wondering if it would collapse under the huge group of people jumping to the soca rhythm on top of it.
at a certain point we lost king. he walked away and well, we did move so finding each other in the crowd and across the parade's path was very difficult. a couple hours later and after me and the girls feasted on caribbean roti, curry and doubles, we caught up again on the hill over the prep area, where we sat and watched bands come and go until we saw the carnival queen pass by.
the carnival queen. i don't think i actually saw this woman, but i didn't envy her at all. all i saw was her costume, which is this gigantic tangerine looking thing, in color and segments, which was on wheels because it was so large and attached to a harness (like the one you get strapped into on a ride at magic mountain).
after she passed we moved onto the main entertainment stage, where a soca artist was performing. i joined alex and autumn in walking around the vendors' tents, but we found nothing interesting. we all soon tired of being there at the festival. hours had passed since we'd arrived and the sun had long gone down over the inland horizon (i was on the east coast remember). we decided to leave. after weaving our way out of the carnival crowd and we made our way down the street to catch the free people mover. it took a while and we were harassed by a couple of the non-carnival-going miami residents, but we finally made our way to alex's car. i love the fact that she has bench-style front seats. that means, three people could fit up front and with our group, i was one of the lucky three. she dropped king & i at the lot where his car was parked and i said goodbye to those girls. they were a lovely bunch who welcomed me with open arms. thanks, ladies.
monday. the next day we slept in crazy late. i was supposed to take king for breakfast, but neither of us woke up. then i had to use his maddeningly slow computer to check-in to my flight and print out a record, but it wouldn't let me check-in online and by the time something printed out, we were running late.
he got me to the airport with 45 minutes to spare, but that wasn't enough. i had missed check-in for the flight and had to run around the terminal trying to get onto the next one. i scored a stand-by on the next flight direct to los angeles, which would put me ahead of my scheduled flight which involved a stopover in st. louis. apparently, a lot of people were late, so i got on and 5 hours later i landed in the good ol' L of A. it was simple to maneuver my shuttle to pick me up earlier and i made it home by 7:30 p.m. just in time for prime time tv.
it was a good trip. i'll probably do it again or something like it.
click here for pics.

Miami Trippin' 2009 Part I

2009-10-14T11:01:00.000-07:00

i'm a children's librarian. that means when kids are out of school that is when i'm the busiest. so i don't get to take summer vacations. with that in mind and the fact that i was recently heartbroken and more currently stressed out, i decided to take a short trip to go hang out with my friend king in miami.

due to circumstances unforeseen, king & i didn't get to spend that much time hanging out together, but i did get to spend ample amounts with his friends and acquaintances. i also got to spend one night hanging out with an old friend of mine who just happened to be in the neighborhood.

thursday night: my plane touches down late in miami. king picks me up curbside and makes a mad dash to mcdonald's, one of the few places open at that hour and on the way to the casa. i catch up on his life on the way. i stay in the guest room that night, but learn i will be sleeping on an air mattress for the rest of my stay because all the rooms in his house are booked by some other friends of his who are coming to stay this weekend, too. damn! who would've thought he would take me saying "dibs on the couch!" seriously? dammit!

friday: errand running. we hit up the post office so i can mail the kids' paper butterflies from the monarch butterfly project, then we go grocery shopping for the house and i pick up some msg-free sazon (hard as hell to find here in cali) for me and i mom and some snacks.

friday night: there's supposed to be this big black & white party, which costs $50. i think that's ridiculous so i tell king i'm not going. he convinces some of his female friends to include me in their monthly sushi friday.
i meet alex, gabrielle, dani, xochitl (sp?) and some other friends who are all very cool. really. there was no craziness, drama, gossip, snake eyes, neck rolling or anything. it was pretty fun. i ordered this thai dish i've had before, larb (ground chicken cooking in lime, lemongrass & chilli), which came out really, really spicy. uncomfortably spicy. and although they are supposed to serve it with cabbage leaves like a wrap, they put the larb on icebeg lettuce, which wilted before it got to the table. when i asked for more lettuce, the waiter brought me a bowl of salad sized pieces, so i had to make little bite-sized wraps. i also ordered a siam roll: california roll, minus the crab with baked red snapper. that was delish.
after the dinner, i hung out with dani & gabrielle back at their apartment, where they read to me funny blogs about caribbeans and we just sat around talking. by that time i had realized they were the ones going with king to the black & white party and so i began to think i should go as well....so they started getting ready, i went out into the living room to watch tv. alex's boyfriend, nick, came and we watched some sports. then king finally came over.
by that time it was like midnight and i knew i wasn't going to this party. we headed back to king's house with dani and gabrielle in tow, king got ready in 10 minutes and i convinced them to leave me behind. jonathan, king's brother-in-law invited me to join his fraternity in a 5K the next day. that sounded more exciting to me than dressing up in b&w. the deal is sealed.

early saturday morning: as i previously mentioned, king had other friends staying with him that weekend. they were pretty self-sufficient, but they didn't have a key, so someone had to let them in and that someone was me. so, they woke me up at 5:00 a.m. to let them in and then at 5:30 a.m., jonathan came to wake me up, but i was already awake. we headed to florida international university (FIU) to meet up with the rest of his group, the distinctive society. after some hubub and early-morning frenzy, we finally got to the venue, registered and began the walk. again, i was surrounded by interesting and cool people and was really surprised to find out most of them were college freshmen, a.k.a., still teenagers. of course there was the normal drama that surrounds teens: "hey! look at me" actions, thinking without speaking, infatuation, etc. but despite that, they were cool. after the walk, we took advantage of the free food and drink and finagled t-shirts, then took a couple of pics. good times.
after jonathan drove us back to the house, i was still energized, so i threw on my bikini and jumped into the the pool. i swam around and had another chance to talk with king about things. i stayed in the pool for about an hour then i took a shower and finally felt my energy go down the drain. king and i layed down on the half-filled air mattress and napped.

saturday night: when i woke up, king was gone. he was off to a $75 party, which i already told him there was no way i was going to participate in. i felt a little jilted that he didn't wake me to say bye, but i got over that quickly when i got a text from my friend janice, who lives in tampa, but so happened to be in southern florida the same weekend as me. she wanted to know what i was doing that night and i happily told her i had no plans and no transportation. she agreed to come pick me up and take me with her and her boyfriend, keith on their way to south beach to go and grab dinner.
they picked me up around 11:00 p.m. and we weaved through the traffic and settled on parking in a pay lot. during the drive conversation, keith mentioned an old dive bar he had been to in south beach, so we headed straight for that. club deuce was a real dive bar. there were biker looking dudes, people covered in tattoos, a real-life pool hustler chick, a pimp sat across from us and we got to see a transaction take place. i got toasted. i think in our first sitting i had 2 bacardi limon & tonics. then we walked around looking for some place to eat. we ended up going up this alley and finding an italian joint, hosteria romana. we had a salad and a mushroom pizza that were just devine. it could have been because i was so tipsy at that point, but the food was so delicious i was certainly sad it had to end. we walked around s'more. found ourselves at an open-air bar, where we sat, talked and drank more.
after that we decided to leave, but of course, that's when things get really interesting in south beach. back at the pay lot, everyone is trying to get out without paying and arguing with the attendants. then there was a very interesting conversation between two girls and the two guys who were trying to hit on them. one of the girls was trying to convince one of the guys that she was married. he didn't believe her, so she called her husband to prove the guy wrong. uh huh.
the hoopla got too much for rightfully impatient janice to handle, so we headed back to club deuce to wait it out. i had another bacardi & tonic, keith downed a double of wild turkey and janice sipped on a soda.
the night wouldn't be complete without a pick up line and i got: "is there anyone sitting here?" jim sat down next to me and didn't talk for about 20 mins, before he started a conversation. he was actually interesting to talk to, but alas its time to go. janice and keith drop me back at king's house and they head back to homestead where they are staying. thanks guys!

check out pics here

Really? Some Thoughts on Music

2009-10-07T22:42:00.000-07:00

Is there really a rapper named "Really Doe?"

That name, that rapper and most likely his music is a perfect example of why I think commercial radio music sucks. I refuse to listen to that autotone crap. The quality of songwriting has deteriorated so terribly. And whatever happened to the awesome beauty and sweet ear candy of real instruments? where has the artistry gone?

I can tell I'm getting old because I'm sounding like a stereotypical old person complaining about the current generation's music, but the difference is that in this age of technology and information the music genre's have progressed rapidly, too rapidly so the gap between the kids' music and my generation's music is much more smaller than the gap between my music and my parents.

And what sucks even more is that people my age and even older like the crap that the so-called musical artists keep banging, shitting and vomiting out onto the airwaves and all over the internet.

I'll probably expand on this thought later, most likely when I come across another ludicrous (pun intended) rapper name or song title, but for now I'm tired physically and mentally from thinking about all the crap that makes it up the Top 40 charts.

Addendum: After I initially started writing this, I then listened to some snippets from Really Doe's album and (Surprise! Surprise!) I don't like it. I guess I should add as a discretionary note that I really don't like too many lyricists at all. I love DJs/turntablists. And the lyricists I do like are mind blowing artists like Mos Def, Q-Tip, Talib Kweli, Cee-Lo, Common, Digable Planets, Rakim...

Our Disappeared/Nuestos Desaparecidos

2009-10-03T11:04:00.000-07:00

i just watched this film, our disappeared/nuestro desaparecidos about how the south american revolution came to argentina and swept up in its wave many young activists. the film is also a dark history of the argentine government's covert war against the revolution and how they kidnapped and tortured hundreds of activists. The violence is horrifically illustrated by this quote from General Iberico Saint Jean, at the time governor of Buenos Aires:

“First we will kill all the subversives, then we will kill their collaborators; then their sympathizers; later those who remain indifferent. And finally we will kill the timid.”

very chilling.

this was an excellent documentary of the movement and the government's actions to quash it, and a very moving portrait of the people who were were most affected by it.
unfortunately these sort of films always make me feel even more helpless in a world that seems filled with greed, corruption and blood lust. even just driving down the street i'm almost hit every day by people who just don't care about the consequences of their actions and it usually has to do with getting to work on time: gotta get paid.

its seems the majority of people feel forced or freely choose to just go about their lives blinding themselves to these atrocities that have happened and continue to go on within this world of ours.
what is an average citizen to do?

Hummus, anyone?

2009-09-29T21:17:00.000-07:00

someone on facebook just asked me how to make hummus, and i realized i hadn't added that recipe to my blog, so...

here's how i make it:
1. i soak 1 bag of dried garbanzo beans overnight or at least 2 hours. they're going to keep soaking up water so try to keep them covered.
2. then i put them in a pot, cover them a few inches in water and cook them (you can season them a bit if you want, i add garlic) over medium heat until they are tender.
3. let them cool down a bit, add them to a food processor with some of the water you cooked them in and a drizzle of olive oil. process until smooth. add more water or oil for a more liquid consistency.
4. add flavor! i like chipotle hummus, green or kalamata olive hummus, sundried tomato hummus! yum. just add as much of the flavoring stuff as you'd like to the food processor with the beans.
5. traditional hummus also adds some lemon juice and tahini, but i hate tahini and don't always have lemons around so...bon appetit!

ROSY

2009-09-24T20:05:00.001-07:00

rosy @ venice high 3
Originally uploaded by rayofsunshine!

after a deep internet search for the perfect bike, i realized what i was looking for wasn't perfect for me.
i like old things, so i was on the search for a vintage bicycle with that old look. you know, fenders, upright handle bars, rear rack and front basket...basically, i wanted to look like i was riding through italy in 1939!!

i craigslisted, i ebayed, but nothing in my price range fit what i wanted. then after buying the wrong bike (a cute blue schwinn, that was in terrible condition and too big) i got an email from someone offering me this cute little 1980s bike that was almost what i wanted. i fell in love with the picture, called the guy and pleaded with him to be certain that the bike was small enough for me, which was my biggest concern in these final hours of my search.
he was 100% that this was the perfect bike for me.

thank goodness he let me trade the schwinn for this brittany free spirit, or the bike i now call rosy. she's a 3-speed, townie-style bike with cranberry-colored frame and fenders and yellow-wall wheels. the guy i bought her from buys and restores bikes, so other than needing to replace the tube in the rear wheel, she's in excellent condition. i'll keep her as long as i can, but when i can afford to i'll get another bike that would be better for more adventurous trips.

Cake, Wheels, Royal Infection and Evil Old Men.

2009-09-08T21:34:00.000-07:00

in these post-heartbreak weeks, i've been catching up on movies and shows that have been piling up on my desk at work, my dvr and on demand...

Dexter, Season 3: Not only was it on demand, but my serial-killer-loving manager also let me borrow her dvds. Highly surpassing the quite disappointing season 2, season 3 brings it like a hooker in atlantic city: straight up, dirty and with the right amount of ass showing. i won't give away any details, but i will say this season has made me sure there's at least two other seasons of dexter left. keywords for this season: serial killer, light-voiced girlfriend, babies and kids, partners in crime, corrupt DAs, teaching and then reclaiming the code.

Tudors Season 3: Jane Seymour/Anne of Cleves. I thought this series would dedicate a whole season to each wife, but this season is a 2-for-1 combo. Jane Seymour seems to be perfect for the king, but as you know (this isn't a spoiler, folks, its history) Jane dies. Then the king marries Anne of Cleves and quickly regrets it. Boo hoo. I'm starting to loose my interest in The Tudors. I really wish they would show more of the leg and how it affected him and the oncoming depression and other mental illnesses. Please bring on the royal madness for season 4!

Nurse Jackie: A great new series on Showtime (they're really coming up!) about a drug-addicted nurse who is leading a sort-of-double life while on the job at an NYC hospital, all the while being married to a bar-owner and a mother to two girls, one who is developing a mental disorder. Its got Edie Falco, its funny, its heartbreaking, its annoying, its what good shows are made of. I suggest you catch it. I like it, so I'm afraid it might get canceled.

Old Curiosity Shop- a bbc movie that was shown on masterpiece theatre. let me reinforce for those of you who don't know: i love pbs shows and i quite adore (read with an aristocratic english accent) masterpiece theatre. unfortunately, since i'm also addicted to HBO shows, i find myself missing all of them because of their sunday time slots. thank the gods of technology for the dvr and thank them even more for the dvd. i checked this out from the library and was of course entertained, but i wouldn't call this one of masterpiece's best. in fact, what i want to call it is an elongated public service announcement, or shall i say a well-produced after school special and here are the morals: don't desert your kids, leaving them with their gambling addict of a grandparent in a town where the greedy, wife-beating, evil man is the only one to borrow money from. 'nough said.

Murderball- an excellent documentary about paraplegics and other wheelchair inhabitants who are members of the USA wheelchair rugby team participating in the paralympics (not the special olympics). i thought it was an excellent subject and thank goodness it was covered really well and seriously. funny it reminded me of the documentaries i see on pbs' P.O.V.

Cakeeaters- a movie i give a C. this girl with a terminal illness wants to lose her virginity and picks the town's semi-attractive, loser, who's dad just so happens to be having an affair with her grandmother. bad acting, cheesiness, unfinished and unexplained storylines. i certainly don't recommend.

Living the Consequences of Reckless Abandon

2009-08-29T12:35:00.000-07:00

not sure if i've mentioned it on this blog before, but i went on a dating hiatus that started in september of last year and ended earlier this year. during that time i did not pursue men in any way shape or form and i avoided being pursued. i spent those months focusing on me, what was leading me to make such bad decisions when it came to men and what i really wanted from a romantic relationship.

although this period of reflection was the result and for the purpose of romantic relationships, i learned a lot about myself, my life, what i expect from myself and what i expect from my life. i used the time to detox my material possessions as well as my mind. i sorted through what was toxic, no longer necessary and essential and discarded and coveted accordingly.

at the end of this period of reflection, mental detox, dating hiatus, whatever you want to call it, i felt ready. ready and equipped to pursue another relationship without being mistaken for a doormat or lying to myself about my own feelings. i was ready to ask of life, all relationships (romantic, platonic and familiar) and myself for what i truly deserved. i was ready to be happy. so i started to live it and really enjoying life.

a little while after i met a really cool guy. we had so much in common and what we didn't share seemed to be good complements. i was the happiest i've been in years when i was with him. i found someone who, like me, was down to try anything. he was silly and someone i could be my crazy, silly self with. he loves couch-potatoing, an activity i treasure. he loves being outside 10 times more than i do, and he loves doing outdoor activities. he's cute. he's funny. he's smart. he's a music connoisseur as well as a musical artist. everything i could want in a man.

3 months flew by. we spent so much of our free time together. i met many of his friends and his parents. i am crazy about his dogs. i fell head over heals for him. i could have fallen in love, but there was something holding me back. i was insecure about the relationship and i couldn't quite put my finger on why. in the last couple of weeks, i started to figure it out. he wasn't as affectionate as he used to be. he was growing more and more distant.

i talked about it with friends for hours at a time. i tried to think about it clearly, but i was crazy about him and i wanted this relationship to turn into the one. so i didn't say what needed to be said. unfortunately, my fears were true. he didn't have the same feelings for me as i had for him. he didn't like me anymore. he told me in the easiest way he could. he was sad about hurting me and he wondered why he couldn't like me. i wondered, too.

after that hiatus i was able to summon and give exactly what i wanted and expected from a relationship. i gave him the best of me, well, probably 95% of the best of me since i held my tongue when things were on my mind. i approached this relationship with reckless abandon. i put my all into being a great companion and part of a great relationship.

that's the source of half of my pain, the rest of it comes from the fact that i like him so much. he's everything i want, except he doesn't like me. now, every phone call i hope is him calling to tell me that he messed up. that he misses me. its only been a couple of days, but i've taken to leaving my phone where i can't hear it or turning it off. if its not on, then i can't expect a phone call to come in.

i'm sad he's gone. i want to call him and hang out with him, but i know its because i still like him and not because i just want to be friends. i'm heartbroken like i've never been. why doesn't he want me?

my heart will heal and i will move on. i wait for it to do so.

The Fresh Fruits & Veggie Detox/Cleanse (Whatever You Want to Call It)

2009-07-30T20:53:00.000-07:00

How I Go About Squeegying My Insides with Fresh Stuff

Prep week: 90% fruits, veggies & grains, 10% protein (healthily prepared chicken breasts/fish, grains, fruits and veggies)
Week 1: 100% fruits & veggies (nothing processed), cooked or raw, grains
Week 2: 100% raw fruits & veggies (but more veggies), grains
Week 3: Repeat week 2. Or, for a serious cleanse, this week you consume 50-100% of fresh juices. Use more veggie juice than fruit juice.
Week 4: Work your way backwards to week 1. Introduce lightly cooked foods again. Or, if you juiced for Week 3, then repeat Week 2, you get an extra week.
Week 5: If you juiced, you repeat Week 1, introducing lightly cooked foods again. If you didn't juice, you're done. Start reintroducing normal foods back into your diet, if you must and want to. Try and recognize what your body has a hard time processing. Minimize if not cease intake of that stuff. What's really cool is that sometimes your stomach can't handle eating that crap anymore so you're forced to eat healthier.
After I started doing this detox regularly, my lactose tolerance fell so I couldn't have as much milk or cheese, which made me a little sad. Bread was very, very filling so I couldn't eat as much of it as I used to. Other processed foods take time to get used to.

During the detox I add natural fiber: psyllium husks and probiotics. Now I take them on a daily basis.

The keys to making this successful:

Journal: Write down your meals, how you feel and any changes you notice
Exercise at least 30 mins a day. Walking is so good for you.
Skin brushing: take a dry loofah or back brush. Start from your feet and brush up towards your heart. It feels great. Deep tissue massages and yoga are great detoxifyers, too.
Lots of water and tea are a must.
Variety. Don't just eat carrots and apples and drink carrot and apple juice. there's a whole world of fruits and veggies: try them. there are ample raw recipes available to you: prepare them. need suggestions just ask. you read my blog. i love to cook and prepare food.

my favorite grains:
garbanzo beans
quinoa
bean sprouts (not really a fav, but really good for you)
brown rice
black eyed peas
raw almonds
raw walnuts
raw pecans
pearl barley
raw sunflower seeds

lightly cooked?

lightly steam: microwaving is said to be best because you lose less nutrients, but i like the control you have when you use a steamer on the stovetop. its up to you though.
quick stir fry in broth instead of oil.

condiments
i use rice vinegar, olive oil and liquid aminos (available at Whole Foods). dried fruits are cool, just pay attention to added chemicals. this website provides a good food list, but i disagree with eating all types of rice. white rice is just not good for detox.

i love to talk about detoxing, fasting and cleansing so let's chat.

"Still Holding Out For My Human Relationships"

2009-07-20T22:17:00.000-07:00

if i can catch it, i really enjoy listening to the urban man, marc porter zasada's commentary of life in los angeles. first of all i like the way he talks. he has a muted accent and i love it when he puts his feelings into his reading instead of just reciting his essays.
today's episode hit rather close to home for me. it discussed dog owners' pet love that often surpasses their human relationship love.

"...More gratifying than raising a family, or embracing a lover, or maintaining close relatives."
the guy i'm dating has two dogs and when we first started seeing each other and i was first introduced to his deep love for the dogs, i was a bit worried about how i fit into that picture. i'm not worried anymore.

"On the other hand, I can avoid sleeping with a woman by saying I have to run home to give them a walk."
i'm not jealous of the dogs, in fact i can openly admit that they've stolen a bit of my heart as well.
i just wish that he would be as affectionate with me as he is with them.

i don't have a dog, but i want one. i've wanted one for a very long time now, but there have always been obstacles to pet ownership. i wonder what kind of pet owner i'd be? i can already tell you i'm totally anti face licking, but i'm not against dogs in the bed. no feeding at the table, in fact no feeding of food that's supposed to be for my consumption at all. i'm not encouraging begging... of course, i'm thinking all of these things while i sit here alone, typing this post with no warm, friendly dog curled up on my lap.

"Surely there's something nobler in spending my time continuing to seek the affection of my fellow human beings, in catering to their needs and trying to give them pleasure. Probably something deeper if...less reliable; more significant if...less appreciated; grander...if more self-sacrificing. I'm sure there's something more spiritual, more necessary, more ultimately gratifying, more....something."

Roasted Cauliflower with Indian BBQ Sauce

2009-07-17T11:08:00.001-07:00

roasted cauliflower with indian bbq sauce
Originally uploaded by rayofsunshine!

i'll start out with this: YUM.
by far and wide, this was the best recipe i cooked this week, as you can read from previous posts. it was flavorful, filling and incredibly easy to make. best of all, i had all the ingredients, except cauliflower, already in my pantry.

i recently fell in love with cauliflower. it started out, innocent enough, with occasionally nibbling on a floret at parties when there was a delicious dip available. then, while i was on my detox/fast (whatever you want to call it) this year, i would buy those bags of chopped veggies and cauliflower was included. i was finally hooked when one night, my friend jen and i met up with our friend hallie at this moroccan restaurant and one of the hors d'oeuvres was roasted cauliflower. it was so freakin' good! then the restaurant's chef came out and sat with us and i got him to part with the secret of his incredible floret: salt. i went out and bought a head of cauliflower the next night and following the chef's instructions: throw the cauliflower in the oven after tossing it in olive oil and glorious, glorious salt.

the indian bbq sauce is incredible, although i'd like to toss in some garam masala to make sure that indian flavor really comes through. next time i make this dish i think it would be great to grill some chicken or a hearty piece of fish (salmon, maybe?) to go along with it. last night i just ate roasted cauliflower as my whole dinner, with mango for dessert!

until next dinnertime...

Mustard-Crusted Tofu with Kale and Sweet Potato

2009-07-16T14:26:00.001-07:00

mustard-crusted tofu
Originally uploaded by rayofsunshine!

i keep reading the title of this recipe over and over, and i wondering why i thought this would be a tasty dish in the first place? that's besides the point in the here and now.
needless to say, i didn't like it. the combination of all the ingredients and flavors did not bring joy to my palate at all.

the preparation was really easy. and as far as ingredients, i followed the recipe exactly, except for the whole grain mustard: i used grey poupon's harvest course ground mustard.

i knew, once i added the lime juice to the skillet, that there was going to be problems. it turned the kale brown. and the tofu took way more than 2 minutes to get crispy.

i ate in front of the tv watching a dvr'ed episode of house, but the only good thing going on was hugh laurie's acting. i didn't like the tofu. i was kinda digging the kale hinted with lime and ginger, but didn't like the addition of sweet potatoes into that mix. and then when i tried an everything-at-the-same-time-bite, that's when the real disappointment set in.

thank goodness i only made enough for one serving. i would hate to have leftovers.

until next dinnertime...

Spaghettini with Crab and Spicy Lemon Sauce

2009-07-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

for a while i've had a stack of bon appetit magazines that i've kept over from a cancelled subscription. these particular issues are marked with recipes i've been wanting to make for a while now.
after saying i was gonna start cooking again for months, i finally grabbed one issue off the shelf and started gathering ingredients to prepare the marked recipes. this was the first one. sorry, i forgot to take a picture, but if its any help it looked exactly like the magazine photo, except i didnt use any prosciutto.
the hardest part of this recipe was getting the ingredients together. i try not to buy too much from regular priced grocery stores, but you're not going to find anchovy paste in the 99 cents store.
other than that, this was fun, easy and quick. too bad it wasn't a big tastebuds pleaser, though. like i said the only ingredient i left out was the prosciutto, so maybe that was the added kick this pasta dish needed.
in the future i'd like to use this spicy lemon sauce over a fish dish sans pasta. probably a grilled or broiled salmon on a bed of spinach. or maybe i'll try the pasta again, but this time add a turkey salami for that salty cured meat component.

until next dinner time...

not defeated

2009-07-15T10:48:00.000-07:00

at 9:45 this morning i stood in my children's area and did a slow pan around the place. tears were welling up in my eyes and i was making every effort to stop them before they fell. i didn't want to show any signs of defeat.
so far my summer reading program has been a flop. not a big 500 lb. belly flop, but a oops-i-slipped-off-the-diving-board-and-fell-in flop. kids are signing up, but not following through. the staff is totally confused by the procedure i laid out for the program. attendance at my events is low. headquarters keep on sending more and more stuff to add to the minutia. i'm thoroughly frustrated with it all. the only time i'm happy is when the kids exchange the coins they earn for reading for the prizes.
and its only july for goodness sakes! i've another full month of this madness.

the only thing i am looking forward to is my upcoming sidewalk chalk festival. its going to a crazy event because i have so much going on at one time, but i think, at the very least it will boost my spirits again, and at the most raise the community's awareness of the children's services @ my library.

what i've learned so far for future planning and especially for next year's summer reading program:
1. keep it simple. i love cool titles, bright colors and exercising my amateur graphic designing skills for flyers, but unfortunately, people don't get it. so go minimal.

2. espionage. visit other libraries to see what they're doing. steal ideas. don't trust what people say when you run ideas by them. find out what really works.

Good Morning

2009-06-13T08:29:00.000-07:00

woke up today feeling good. mighty good.

i watched most of sicko and was overcome with gratefulness for my job and accompanying healthcare. in fact i've taken a "doctor day" next thursday. what the hell is a "doctor day?" well, i had the day off anyway, so i made a couple of appointments for check-ups. that may not excite most people, but it sure does excite me. can't wait!

then i watched this really funny, indie film I'm Through With White Girls, which makes me thankful i stumbled upon free showtime for 12 months. so far i've watched a couple of excellent indie films and i can't wait to see what is in store for the next 11 months +.

after i got out of bed, i found myself with an amazing amount of energy and i decided to clean the a.p.t. before that, i took a jaunt to the store to pick up some items and some quarters for laundry. the whole time i rocked out to the Ting Tings, dancing and singing out loud. it felt great. i know i could never date or end up with someone who isn't as passionate about music as i am. WHEW! thank goodness this something new thing...you know. the cool guy? yeah. he's into music. really into music. can't beat that with a bat!

now i'm doing laundry, cleaning the a.p.t., and getting ready to hang out with dante. he's going to come over and watch movies. funness!

got some stuff to take care of, but i just wanted to jot down my thoughts so far.

Something New

2009-05-26T22:19:00.001-07:00

@ lacma memoria day 2009
Originally uploaded by rayofsunshine!

its been a few weeks and we're still hanging out. i'm really digging this guy and he's not shy about telling me how much he's really digging me.

i'm still in shock. there's a guy who likes me for me and thinks about me and wants to call me and send me random texts and funny pics of himself. and what's even more shocking, is that i like him back! in fact, this is a feeling i'm not sure i've ever had before and if i have it was so long ago that its foreign to me now. its like i'm floating and a bit out of control. i told him that and he gave the perfect response: "don't worry, i gotcha."

isn't that awesome! that i can be candid about how i feel and for him to have the comeback of all comebacks...i'm loving how good it is!

and what's even better (yeah, it gets better!) is that my life is still playing on alongside this blossoming romance, it hasn't stopped, it hasn't been asked to stop, it hasn't even wanted to stop. what makes the me/him potential so great is that, so far it fits so well into my life and his at the same time.

this is the only pic i've been able to snap of him. not that you can tell, but we had spent a few quality moments strolling through a couple of exhibits at lacma. he says he's not a picture guy, but i've seen his photographically captured mug a few times, just not through the lens of my camera.

i'm looking forward to seeing what happens next. pop a bowl of popcorn and pull up a comfy chair. because this is fixin' to be a good one.

what do you want for your birthday?

2009-05-20T17:28:00.001-07:00

best day cake ever
Originally uploaded by rayofsunshine!

nothing.
yeah, there are items, material things that would be neat to own, but quite frankly, my apartment is jam packed full of stuff that i'm already trying to get rid of. so i don't want a thing.
these days, pondering what i want, always leads me back to what i have and, my cup runneth over, ya'll. i have a set of the most amazing friends a girl could ask for. i have a top-notch job. i have my health and health care just in case that becomes a problem. i have a great family. i've met someone who's awesome and has me singing along with bobby:

...and when i get your call i'm all choked up
can't believe you called my phone
and as a matter of fact it blows my mind you would even talk to me
because a [boy] like you is a dream come true
a real life fantasy...

right now if feels like if i ask for anything more i'll be upsetting the cosmos with my gluttony because, i have it good.

thank you.

Not a Missed Connection

2009-05-07T22:12:00.001-07:00

i met a guy online. we chatted on a dating site for a while, then moved to emailing. after about a month we finally met in person. it was awesome. he's great. cute. outgoing. funny. he's a huge jamiroquai fan. we ended up hanging out for longer than we'd planned. i enjoyed every moment of it.
now my brain is going all crazy. i'm having what could very well be delusions of grandeur: imagining what could be between me and this very cool guy. i get butterflies with every email or text. i can't wait until he calls again. hell, i'll probably do a double sommersalt the next time he asks to hang out.
i've said it before: "approach love and cooking with reckless abandon," but i'm not sure if i still mean it wholeheartedly. with this guy i'm trying to play it cool: not call, not email or text too much.
i guess i'm trying to give this possible relationship time to blossom and not smother it with too much attention. maybe by stepping back i can give my emotions some time to settle instead of pouncing on them. maybe this way i can figure out if they're something more than fleeting.
or playing it cool could have something to do with the fact that he's a really busy guy, especially during the week.

i'll see what happens over the coming weeks. fortunately (to give me some cool off time), its mother's day weekend and both of our parental units have claimed both days.

new tattoo

2009-05-07T22:01:00.001-07:00

new tattoo
Originally uploaded by rayofsunshine!

i've thought about this for a while. it probably came to me in my second year of grad school after i'd spent some time with the UCLA History Project. at that point i was deep in my love of history and preserving it, learning about it and writing about it. also the pursuit of my library degree was all about what i feel is my life's purpose: connecting people with the information they seek. so i knew when i found out what Fiat Lux meant that i wanted that to be a part of me.

time has passed. my focus has changed and my service to the public has surpassed my focus on history. plus the more i analyzed what fiat lux meant to me, the more i was doubting getting that particular phrase tattooed at all. so i began searching for another. through yahoo! answers (you'd be amazed how much influence the internet has had on my life.) i came across Dum Vivimus Servimus. i loved it. that was it, but it was conjugated as "we" and this tattoo is about me. so i consulted the closest scholar to me, the homie andre, who had no idea about latin, but lo and behold, he had a friend who studied latin for a couple of years.

he logged onto g-mail chat and found a mutual friend, got his latin-speaking friend's phone number and the call was made on my cell (andre doesn't have a cell phone.) and a voice mail was left. that put a damper on our plants to get a tattoo that very evening. but after about an hour later as we hung out with the Cochran Crew, i got a text: "Hi! It would be Dum vivo, servio. Love you!"
EUREKA! dum vivo, servio: while i live, i serve.

i serve myself.
i serve my family and friends.
i serve the greater good, which i believe is a service to god.
my hands are the primary translator from thought to action of that service.

that was step one. next was actually getting the tattoo done. i already knew who i wanted to do it. dante's long-time friend ikuko, aka koko is an amazingly talented artist who works at Purple Panther. SCORE! we finally coordinated a mutual time and after j-walking, thai food, a bad conference call, the festival of books, several bus rides, redrawing and color mixing, the deed was finally done.

dante captured the moment photographically. in the week since i have had my doubts. oh shit! i have a tat on my wrists! people will see it! boys won't want me! i'll be judged negatively!
but as it heals, i'm growing to embrace this tattoo, my tattoo. just like my other tats, it means a lot to me.

i'm already thinking about my next tattoo at this point.
thanks to dante.
thankts to koko.
thanks to andre.
ya'll rock.

Little Gifts Wax Rich When the Givers Prove Kind

2009-04-19T07:57:00.000-07:00

people give me gifts for all kinds of reasons and i am happy that people even think of me. but i rarely get a gift that hits the spot. that is just what i needed and i had no idea of it until i opened the gift and experienced it.

the rose: one hot summer day, probably in my sophomore year of high school, i was walking down fairfax blvd. after a long bus ride from covina. i was in l.a. to visit my friend loucheia so we could get into some mischief. alongside me there was a whole bunch of traffic. it was moving, but there were so many cars going by. i was approaching the bottleneck of fairfax and olympic, when a man put his van in park, got out and walked around to the sidewalk where i was. i was scared at first, but what happened happened so fast, i didn't have time to react. he handed me a rose and said "a beautiful rose for a beautiful lady." he got back into his van (flower delivery van) and put it back into drive right when the light changed and sped off into traffic.
man, that was a wonderful feeling and really just what i needed.

postcards: i found myself in a long-distance relationship last summer. it didn't last long because amongst other things, there was no hope of us ever decreasing the distance between us. anyway, he knew i liked postcards so for my birthday he send me a package. it took forever to get to me from guyana and once it was here, i had to retrieve it from the post office. on my way home i walked through pan pacific park and decided to open the package on my way. he sent me postcards. sounds plain and simple, eh? but in this case it was much, much cooler. he sent me postcards that illustrated the culture and history of his country and he wrote on the back of each detailing the significance of each image. i loved it. he knew i loved postcards and history and he brought them together in one care package for me. wonderful.

the song: i was chatting online with this cool guy and we were going back and forth about music, especially doo wop and that 50s stuff that's so good. somewhere in the mix he mentioned "i only have eyes for you" by the flamingoes and i remembered how beautiful that song is and told him the tale of the missing american pop classics tape that i first listened to it on. a day or so later, he sent me a gift via email. i opened the file attachement and in a matter of seconds my itunes popped up and i heard that first guitar strum...the song started to play. everything stopped. it was like in the movies when the rest of the room gets dark and all the light focuses on you, except in my apartment everything turns all yellowy-beige and i, the ray of sunshine, glow. i seriously fell into a dream-like state. after it stopped, all i could think of was wow. with just this song the cool guy got to me. the cool guy got me. the cool guy has me.

The Closet Tapes: The Jelena Tapes

2009-04-13T22:17:00.000-07:00

when i was in middle school and living with my dad, i used to visit with my best friend at the time, jelena and her family (2 brothers, 1 sister, both parents and a chow chow). my dad used to conveniently "forget" me there, or would use the excuse that he thought i was having a good time and didn't want to disturb me so he'd just leave me with jelena's family or anyone else he could drop me off with.
jelena and i were obsessed with Dirty Dancing the movie, but especially the soundtrack. during the times my dad "forgot" me at their house and i spent the night, we'd get up late, when her parents were asleep, and practice the dance moves we learned and memorized from the movie then choreograph our own.
jelena, her brothers and sister weren't allowed to listen to popular music, but they were allowed to listen to oldies and country. so when the radio was on it was always tuned to K-Earth 101, l.a.'s oldies station. all us kids would sing along. we had a blast.
so the tapes...after i graduated from middle school, my mom thought it best that i move back with her and my stepdad. unfortunately, that meant i really couldn't hang out with jelena and her family any more because we'd be separated by 32+ miles. before i officially relocated, my mom let me spend a week with jelena's fam. during that time we recorded a copy of the dirty dancing soundtrack so i could practice our routines at my mom's. there was some more room on tape so we recorded our favorite country songs: harper valley p.t.a. and satin sheets and the only dirty song the kids were allowed to listen to: ding-a-ling by chuck berry.
remember basic? the cheap brand of cigarettes? well apparently they put out a series of music compilations and i think you got them free if you bought enough packs or cartons. well jelena's parents were smokers alright and they acquired several copies of the compilation Your Basic Rock. jelena gave me one.
i came across both of these cassettes this past weekend while i was sorting through the closet tapes. this made me think of what happened to my friend jelena, lost to me because of time and distance. i hope she's okay.

girls: MY!
boys: DING-A-LING!
girls: MY!
boys: DING-A-LING!
girls: I WANT YOU TO PLAY WITH MY
boys:DING-A-LING!

Media Hog: Fine Cut KCET's Festival of Student Film

2009-04-13T21:56:00.000-07:00

student films are notoriously bad, but its nice to be pleasantly surprised every once in a while. i've been watching the fine cut series on KCET and although most of the films i would pass on there are a couple that i wouldn't mind watching again and feel comfortable recommending.
i'm not going to give a description i'm just going to include links. watch them. they're good. and if you feel like it, watch the rest them.

Ketchup by Wenchung Lu

A Day's Work by Rajeev Dassani

Warrior Queen by Hezekiah Lewis

Hard Lines by Eliza Ivanova

Doodle Beats by Sunha Yoon

The Closet Tapes: Disney Classics Vol. I

2009-04-13T21:22:00.000-07:00

sometime during my junior year of high school i took an advanced placement history class. i'm pretty sure i failed miserably in it, but apparently i sang a lot in class because by the end of the semester, the teacher recommended me for concert choir. i hadn't thought much about concert choir until i went through the closet tapes and found my disney classics vol. 1 cassette.
i don't know what came first, the tape or concert choir. i think it was my friend ro who had the tape and i borrowed it from her, but then i eventually bought my own. and one of our first performances in concert choir we sang a disney medley that i still sing in the shower to this day.
actually, now i'm pretty sure the tape came first, because for the performance of the disney melody, i did the solo in the chim chim cher-ee segment and i sang it just like i'd heard it sung by dick van dyke on the tape and in the movie.
what i do remember for sure is that for much of the rest of high school i woke up every morning listening to that tape and singing those songs.

The Closet Tapes: The Moonglows Super Hits

2009-04-13T20:29:00.000-07:00

i met this guy online (yes, i'm online dating, again. leave me alone.) and we were connecting on our mutual love of music. we were focusing on doo-wop and i admitted that my favorite doo-wop group is the moonglows. of course, i look for every opportunity to move around some mental dust bunnies and this was no exception.

how did i get into the moonglows?

i remember buying the moonglows tape at the ralph's in the beverly connection when i was about 11. remember when grocery stores used to have racks of cheap tapes near the magazines? funny enough, it was my doo-wop reject dad who paid for the tape. he told me a story once about him being in a group when he was younger and for one reason or another the rest of the group members signed a record deal without him or something like that.
so anyway, i went to my parents' house for easter dinner this year and i went through some of my old tapes that i store in a closet at their house and was flooded with old memories, all of them good.
i decided i better write about them before i re-forget.
by the way, out of all the tapes i found, the moonglows was the only one missing from its case.

Media Hog: Saturday Night Fever

2009-04-11T09:51:00.001-07:00

Saturday Night Fever
Originally uploaded by Tobias Del Fa

i just re watched this movie. it used to be my #1 favorite movie when i was growing up, but the past few years i haven't watched it at least once a month, but maybe once a year.

i like how the movie is all about tony coming to the realization that his whole life is bullshit. his friends are bullshitters, his family is full of shit, his job is a road to nowhere and he himself is living a life of bullshittery.
it all turns around when his brother, the priest, quits to live a secular life:
"tony, the only way you're going to survive is to do what you think is right, not what they keep tryin' to jam you into. you let 'em do that and you're going to end up nothing, but miserable. huh?"

after that tony starts to see the crap everywhere even from his love interest, who is also living a life of bullshittery, but is working her way towards the light of truth.

its really interesting now to see the movie with 28-year-old eyes. i still love the film, in fact i like how i can place some of the aspects of my life side-by-side with tony manero's and see how i've changed. over the years i've sifted through the content of my life and have gotten rid of a lot of bullshit, especially out of my own words and actions.

as i learned from watching the sequel, staying alive, tony was still living a life of bullshittery, although a different kind from SNF. thank goodness i've gotten rid of most of mine if not all.

"what i think is this: there's a world of difference between us, you know. not just chronologically, but eh, emotionally, culturally, physically, every which way. and this world would get much bigger and much worse with every passing week..."

-a monologue of bullshit by stephanie mangano, tony manero's love interest.

ADNM: First Fridays @ Natural History Museum

2009-04-05T10:32:00.001-07:00

in the roots
Originally uploaded by rayofsunshine!

i went out again! yes, in another attempt to get out of my apartment, i took up my friend TK's invitation to see her spin at april's first friday @ the natural history museum.

i haven't been to the NHM since grade school so its been awhile. i strolled around the north american and african mammal exhibits enjoying the fact that these are real stuffed animals posed to look as if they're in motion. although the scenes and stuffed animals were very dusty (get one of those dusting spray cans, for crying out loud!) it was still very, very cool and amazing.

after my guest showed up, (yes, yes, ya'll. this was kinda a date and i stress kinda) i also went through the bird exhibit, which is really extensive and included more stuffed and dusty birds. then we went into the gem exhibit which is freakin' awesome, too. they also have a vault where they display beautiful examples of precious stones i.e. diamonds, sapphires and stuff like that. the most boring part of the whole museum was the california history room. not even worth mentioning for more than a sentence.
tim fite performed in one room and i we went to hear him for a minute, but i really couldn't stand him for more than that. DJ tkay of course rocked it, but i forgot to take pictures of her on the 1s and 2s.
so back to the not-really-a-date. i met this guy at a co-worker's party and i really wasn't expecting anything to come of it, but he was persistent and so i thought this was the perfect event to invite him to. i would see how open-minded he was about music and museums and probably get in some good talk time without spending one penny. it worked. i found out he really enjoyed the museum, but wasn't too keen on any of the music being played. we did work in a lot of talk time during our time walking inside the museum, but i learned the deal-breaking details when i walking him to his car and we ended up stopping at a bench and talking for about an hour: he's notably younger than me. he claims to be a virgin. he's obsessed with sex and spent a lot of time talking about it. and the #1 dealbreaker: he pointed out that he'd never kissed a black girl and wanted to know what it was like and also asked if my pubic hair was anything like my head hair.
wow. i was baffled. the only positive thought that went through my head was "at least he's not afraid to speak his mind." other than that my mind was just flashing a neon sign that said "NO" and there was one of those negative buzzer sounds going off to the beat of the flashing sign.
i took a day to analyze my thoughts so i didn't just go off on a black militant rant, but when i called him to tell him that we probably shouldn't talk anymore, he didn't answer and has yet to call me back. maybe he got the message already.

What Went Wrong

2009-04-04T13:44:00.000-07:00

i'd like to take a retrospective of my past relationships and write about how they failed. i guess i'm just in need of writing these things down, especially now that i want another relationship to start.
i'm not just talking about every guy i've ever dated. i'm just focusing on the guys i thought were marryable.

b. my first love. it was a high school relationship and obviously not one of those sweetheart stories. no need for details, just the ending: he broke up with me because he thought i was cheating on him. he just so happened to walk into his friend's house right when his friend had begin tickling me. it looked bad. he walked out. i ran after him. he told me we shouldn't be together anymore and walked home. i headed home, too, but in tears. later on or maybe even the next day, he called to apologize and ask to get back togther. i said no. i was hurt and felt deeply betrayed by the fact that he didn't trust me. first of all, if anyone knows me well at all, they know that i hate being tickled, so i was most certainly not enjoying the scene he walked in on. secondly, me with his bestfriend? damn! even in my stupid youthful days i was never that cruel or irresponsible. he continued to try for a while, but i stuck to my guns. and there the break-up of me and b ends. what went wrong: he didn't trust me for all the wrong reasons.

z. i already blogged about him, so there's no need for a story here. what went wrong: poor communication and wanting different lives.

r. we were good friends for a while, but then it took a romantic turn. i really thought i'd marry him, but he became cruel and unsupportive. i broke up with him after months of being belittled only after he tried to make me feel guilty for wanting to spend more time on schoolwork than with him, this when i was only weeks away from graduating. what went wrong? i let myself be a doormat.

j. i already blogged about him, too. what went wrong here? just like b., i let my immediate emotions take over my rational thoughts and that teamed with unaddressed issues between us made it real easy to just let the relationship go.

minor relationship endings include: long-distance romance with no hope for close proximity futures, me not being honest with myself about how i feel towards the guy, big chunky differences between us, beer goggles, dating a recent-divorcee, at least one liar, at least one cheater, at least one loser...

Random Thoughts on Friendships

2009-03-28T15:07:00.000-07:00

pretty dante and me rollin
Originally uploaded by rayofsunshine!

i had an awesome day yesterday. it was 100% filled with friendship and good times.
first i had brunch with my one of my good friends for the past 10 years (i just realized its been that long since we met!) and we hung out and chatted for a while. lovely!
then i ran some errands and sat in traffic with my best friend. fun!

then my flip-flop wearing friend from ucla came by and we went on a craigslist item hunting adventure while listening to the same cheesy house song, sonique's higher, on repeat. priceless!

After putting together my new bookshelf, we headed to another ucla friend's going away party. she's off to austin to be an archivist and to provide a good reason for me to visit that city!

at this party, and probably at most house parties, we all sat around outside, some of us smoking, some of us just hanging out with the smokers. since it was a going away party, one of the guests commented that this would probably be the last time that most of the people at the party will ever see each other. this turned into a very interesting conversation and we began reflecting about people in our past, like school chums and neighbors that we were separated from for one reason or another and what it would be like if we remained friends or if we were to run into them now. what a night. what a day.
and i'm thankful for it.

Look Mom! I Made a Twistie!

2009-03-24T21:22:00.001-07:00

me 03242009 6
Originally uploaded by rayofsunshine!

when i was little my mom kept my hair short. i had a little rat tail and i looked like a little boy according to passerbys. i guess i asked one time too many about it and my mom let me grow my hair long and eventually get a perm. it stayed like that until i was 19, when i wanted to quit the perming and go natural. i shaved it down to less than an inch and let it grow naturally from there.
it was short and curly, easy to care for, cheap to maintain. i loved it.

years later, i'm still growing it sans chemicals, leaving me with a fluffy bundle of kinky curls that are pretty nifty. but now that my hair is long i have no idea what to do with it. i pull it up in a high ponytail, or back for a low ponytail. i gather it on on side for an 80s look, or let out some experimental curly bangs.
i like having hair, so i don't want to cut it again, but i have no idea how to style it without going back to paying as much as i did when i was perming.

anyhoo, in an attempt to style my hair i succeeded in making some nifty twists on my head. i continue to look for other cheap styles i can do in my own potty room.

Missed Connections: The Teacher

2009-03-24T20:12:00.001-07:00

there's this cute teacher that brings his class for library visits frequently. in fact, he's the cutest guy i saw in 2008 (i should do end of the year superlatives). each time he comes in i get all flustered. i try to focus on the kids, but in the moments when they're carrying on without need of help and we find ourselves chatting about one thing or another, i feel like i'm either gushing or too starstruck to say anything interesting.
i had an inkling that he may be interested in return, but i'm not sure. he's asked me what i like to do, what kind of music i like, but that's also common conversation fodder. maybe he's waiting until the end of the school year so that there's not awkwardness. maybe he has a gfriend. maybe he's just not interested.
the library staff claims to have seen him following me with his eyes as i rush about trying to get something done. but i think they're just trying to make me feel better.
i'm going to keep feeling out the situation before i consider it a completely missed connection.

Sort of a Librarian's Reference Question of the Year

2009-03-23T16:24:00.000-07:00

or at least its the reference question of the year so far. its rather early in the year, but i doubt it will get any worse than this. here it goes....

"When did racism end?"

are you serious? what country have you lived in for the past....for your entire life? i can't imagine that someone actually believes that racism ended. the only logic i can pull from this is that the customer didn't know the definition of racism. maybe she meant the civil rights movement or apartheid or suffrage. or, maybe she's just a dumdy nut.

Media Hog: X-Files Season 1

2009-03-22T23:01:00.001-07:00

X-Files Season 1
Originally uploaded by _danN_

i finished watching the entire first season of the x-files this weekend and boy, there have been some changes in my perception since i watched it when the show originally aired back in 1993.

first off, mulder and scully had no idea about evidence preservation. they'd step all over a crime scene, pick up objects sans gloves, give suspects' footprints a good once over and then just walk away. for some reason mulder never seemed to document any of the phenomena he personally experienced: why the hell don't you carry a camera at all times, mulder? that would have totally hepled you in the season finale. dumdy nut.

secondly, the government conspiracy and alien plot lines were so boring, slow and predictable. it was the other stuff (ghosts, superbugs and A.I., oh my!) that was the most interesting and surprising. remember toombs, the stretchy guy? phenomenal storyline! even the sequal episode was excellent. i could probably watch the murdering-amish-alikes episode twice in a row. yep, they used the person-possessed-by-a-ghost storyline multiple times in the first season, yet the stuff didn't get old.

next, scully's skepticism worked for a while, but its hard to believe that she could remain a skeptic after seeing as much unexplained....(dammit! can't think of another word) phenomena as she experienced in the first season. scully, i know you believe, you just think mulder is cute and really enjoy working the x-files so you keep on writing your skeptical field reports if that's what you have to do to maintain. keep on keepin' on, girl.

finally, 90's fashion or lack thereof. enough said.

scully: you know i've always held science as sacred. i've always put my trust in the accepted facts. and what i saw last night... for the first time in my life, i don't know what to believe.
mulder: whatever it is you do believe, scully, when you walk into that room...nothing sacred will hold.

ADNM: Nothin' But Sand Beach Clean-Up @ Dockweiler

2009-03-22T08:31:00.002-07:00

my shoes in sand
Originally uploaded by rayofsunshine!

i got up early, did some cleaning about the apartment and set off for the beach. i got to dockweiler a half hour before the clean-up was set to start and parked above the beach so i could survey the scene. the skies were grey and some surfers were taking advantage of the waves, but the heal the bay crew had already set-up and other volunteers were amassing near the tents. so i went down to join them.
after a quick spiel about how the trash gets there in the first places, the crew let us volunteers go out in groups to collect it. i was a group of myself and made my way up and down the beach collecting pieces of hard and soft plastic, cigarette butts, bottle caps and straws.
i saw a cute boy in grey. i spotted him like a small piece of plastic hiding in the sand...but of course i didnt say anything. i just did a bit of stalking, following close behind for a bit until the hiding pieces of litter consumed my attention again. i looked for him after the clean-up was done, but nothin' doin'.
i'm going to try and keep going to these clean-ups. the more i go, the possibility that i'll meet new people increases. and just maybe the cute boy in grey will show up again.

Chunky Cam

2009-03-20T21:30:00.001-07:00

chunky cam
Originally uploaded by rayofsunshine!

so as you may have read in the Shittiest Night Ever post, i lost my camera. this is actually the second time i lost my camera in less than 12 months. that's bad especially since i bought the same camera twice because i really like that camera (casio s500). well, i've decided to not buy another camera, rather, i'm going to reach back into my electronics box and pull out a camera from times past: i'd like to introduce my first digital camera, a fuji that i will now call chunky cam.
the casio, aka cammy's cam, that i bought and lost twice was awesomely small. i used to shove it into my back pocket and take it with my everywhere. chunky cam won't fit into my pocket. it will barely fit into my jacket pocket, thank goodness that i bought a camera bag for it when i used to carry it all the time.
i miss cammy's cam especially when i'm walking or driving along and see something funny or interesting. that's the biggest reason why chunky cam is coming out of the box. i need to take pics of things escpecially in light of the fact that my memory sucks. chunky cam always took great pics so although its big, i look forward to some great shots.

ADNM: Apartment Dweller No More

2009-03-20T08:47:00.000-07:00

i've been thinking lately, really thinking about why i'm down and/or depressed so often. i've come up with a few conclusions. first of all, whether by nature or nurture, looking into my parents' lives i can see that they both have had some sadness and have passed it down to me. secondly, i believe that what you put into your body has a lot to do with your health both physical and mental, so i'm planning an upcoming birthday detox. thirdly, i need to reclaim my life and space.

reclaiming my life sounds like i've been an addict or a victim of domestic abuse. well, i am an addict: i am really addicted to tv. but since the recent addition of a dvr to my cable services, i'm not bound to watch my shows at their designated time slot. oftentimes i often feel like a self-abuser, keeping myself locked inside my apartment when i know i should be out and about. last sunday i stayed at home all day watching tv and eating whatever was left in the kitchen and i felt incredibly lazy since i had a whole list of to-dos that didn't get done.

i'm going to try and move my life around. instead of leaving all of my errands for the weekends i'm going to do a lot more during the week. that way, i'm in front of the tv less and i'm freeing more time on my weekend for the second phase of my ADNM plan: doing more activities and meeting more people.
i signed up for a few groups on meetup.com and going to actually start participating in some of the events i get invited to as a member of couchsurfing.com. who knows, i might even start my own group.

Moroccan-Style Roast Chicken

2009-03-18T00:06:00.000-07:00

i was going through my stack of old Bon Appetit magazines and found this recipe that called for a whole chicken (i love whole chickens!).

i made the moroccan-style roast chicken and it came out really delicious and moist despite the fact that i forgot to brush the honey butter under the skin. the sweet/savory flavor is mostly on the skin but a little seeped down into the meat, too.

substitutions: i didn't want to buy more ingredients when i already had stuff in my kitchen that would do just fine. so instead of unsalted butter, i used a stick of margarine (i prefer butter, but hey). because tumeric is the main ingredient in most curry powders, i decided to use jamaican curry powder, which i have plenty of, instead of pure tumeric, which i would have to seach for.

the recipe warns that the chicken may brown too quickly and advises that you use foil if you notice that happening. mine got super brown so it was a good thing i added foil before it just burned. i also found i had to cook mine longer than what the recipe says to get it to 170 degrees.
sorry...i didn't take any pics before i started snarfing it down!

Random Thoughts on Another Ex

2009-03-14T09:39:00.000-07:00

i had a dream about another ex last night. of course, the details have already fled my head so i just remember an outline of what happened. basically there was some sort of family engagement that we both were in attendance (funny that actually happened recently). by the way, this particular ex is a super-close friend of the fam. in fact, he's like a brother to some of my cousins. at the end of this particular engagement he gave me a thick fold of paper: it was either one long note or multiple notes that he had written over the years. when i read them they expressed a lot of regret and sadness. i'm not sure exactly what my response was in the dream though. i may have been awoken by the alarm at that point, actually. i know what my real life response would be though: "there's a reason why we're not together. what we regret is losing the people we were, not not being with the people we are now."

what happened with this ex? i'm not exactly sure. we met. we talked. we liked each other. we decided to get together. we were boyfriend/girlfriend. after a while something changed with him: he stopped calling and answering my calls. i moved onto other romantic pursuits.
months later he picks up the phone again and tells me he was experiencing some troubles and didn't know how to handle telling me these issues. we eventually got back together. a few months go by and the same thing happens. no calls. this time i let it go easily. i didn't try to reconnect. the message was sent and received with or without a phone call. we both moved on with our lives.
i have a strange memory. i may have forgotten some key words spoken or actions made that could have triggered the stop-call-period. quite frankly i knew deep down inside that things wouldn't work out between us. we were too different and wanted very different things from life.

that was back in 2002. fast forward to superbowl 2009, the first time i've seen him since. he has two kids and is married. i met the kids. the wife's not around for this particular occasion, but it turns out i know her: his BFF from when we were dating. go figure.

so back to the dream. i hope he doesn't really feel this way. i hope he loves and appreciates the life he has and sees it as i do: he married his BFF from high school and has two kids that he loves. most of all, i hope i don't regret not fighting for that relationship (pretty sure i don't). i hope i remember the differences that existed between the two of us and how uncomfortable that made us. and i hope i recognize fully the different paths we were set upon and took and how not parallel they were. of course i still get a tinge of emotion every time i see him, but that's understandable: minus those stop-call-periods, we had some very good and deeply emotional times between us.

Random Thoughts on Past Love

2009-03-11T08:07:00.001-07:00

Smolder
Originally uploaded by jcopix

i may still be in love with someone from my past. in fact, i'm pretty sure the feeling has never completely died, but like a long-burning fire is smoldering deep in a pile of ashes.

well, yesterday a shot of kerosene and a new log has been added to the pit. this happens every once in a while when he calls, especially when i'm romantically vulnerable like right now.

i reminisce about the things that made me like him and love him and i wonder if they are still there and if its possible for us to pick up where we left off. i think about the awful way i broke up with him and regret it even more, not only because i'm no longer with him, but also because i was cruel and selfish in the process.

every time i think about the feelings that still reside in me i also get to play my own devil's advocate and think about the reasons why i broke up with him and why we still haven't gotten back together or at least discussed the topic. they're pretty good reasons and like i've mentioned before, i don't believe that just loving each other can make a relationship work. there has to be something more than love between two people before a relationship can form and last. communication. understanding. a meeting of the minds on certain issues. planning parallel paths through life.

this is assuming the love is mutual, which i have no idea in this case. in fact, i think i'm actually too scared to ask and find out if he loves me because if he does, i might end up too giddy or excited and ignore the fact that some of those other relationship necessities are absent. and who knows down what path that may lead.

in the meantime, i smolder. i long for peace in my heart and romance in my life.

ADDENDUM 11:11 p.m.
as quickly as the fire picked up did the pit go back to being just some smoldering embers. i get the butterflies whenever i talk to or see him, but they don't last long. its a fleeting feeling. i don't know if that's a safety reaction to prevent myself from getting hurt, or something inside me saying what we had is over. whatever the reason, whenever i have these inner outer mind conflicts the inner always wins.

Alone in the Kitchen with....a No-Knead Bread Recipe

2009-03-10T20:51:00.000-07:00

i am chewing on a slice of my no-knead wheat bread and it is yummy! this recipe turns out a crusty on the outside and moist on the inside loaf that has a kind of tangy, almost sourdoughy flavor. i used a recipe found on Eat Make Read and modified it slightly. i like this recipe better than the whole wheat bread i made previously (see Alone in the Kitchen....With a Bag of Flour Part Deux) because its so moist and i like the fact that it has flavor. the whole wheat bread didn't give my tongue anything to be happy about and it was kind of on the dry side.

modifications: first of all, i used whole wheat flour instead of bread flour and secondly i baked my dough in a regular bread pan covered in aluminum foil because i don't have a dutch oven and anyway, i wanted the bread in the shape it ended up in instead of a circular shape.

while preparing the dough i thought i messed up a bit by adding too much water to the mix, but everything turned out fine.

the only thing i don't like about this recipe is the time it takes...6-8 hours of rise time, then an additional 45 of proofing (i don't know exactly what this means, but its basically letting the dough rise some more while in the pan it will be cooked in). otherwise, i'll probably use this recipe again...unless i find something better!

"approach love and cooking with reckless abandon."

Alone in the Kitchen with a....Whole Chicken

2009-03-08T20:58:00.000-07:00

i did it! i cooked a very succulent and tasty chicken....a whole chicken! and it was really easy.
i got the idea from this other blog i've been frequenting with great money-saving tips.
i then looked at other recipes for cooking whole chickens. then i began the hands-on portion of chicken cooking.

1. get rid of any gizzards or inside stuff that you don't want. i also cut off much of the excess skin.
2. rinse the chicken, inside and out and pat away the moisture with a towel.
3. season the chicken and rub down with butter. next time i'm going to try using olive oil because its healthier. this time i seasoned and rubbed down over the skin, but i think next time i'm going to try and get under the skin, too.
4. if you have a marinade injector, use it to add flavor to the chicken. i used mojo (pronounced moho), which is a cuban marinade. if you don't have marinade, then you're set to go.
5. preheat the over to 400 degrees. put the chicken in when you're done prepping. let it cook until your bird gets a golden brown. took mine about 1 hour. if you've got a cooking thermometer, check the chicken breast, when its 180 degrees or more, your chicken is done.

i bought two whole chickens and cooked just one. the other one i'm going to cut into pieces and cook as necessary.

Why I Love Me Vol. 2: You May Call Me the Dancing Queen

2009-03-08T15:00:00.001-07:00

i can dance. in fact, i can dance really well. i get all kinds of compliments on the dancefloor, but it really doesn't matter to me what they say because i really enjoy dancing. its so much fun, excitement and exhilaration to just move freely.
i don't normally dance with a partner, but it can be done, and done well with a good partner. a good partner realizes i need space and the right time to hold me close and let me go.

i can dance to many different types of music. notice how i didn't say all different types of music because although i can dance while all different types of music are playing, i may not necessarily be dancing to the music that's playing. there's a difference.

but what's really cool about me is that i like different styles of dance and i love to watch other people dance so that i can learn how they do it and incorporate their moves and styles into my repertoire. i'm a dance borrower. i'm a dancer who's style is a collage of different personal, ethnic and cultural styles of dance.
i'm an awesome dancer and i've got a meeting on the dance floor!

Addendum to Random Thoughts on the Shittiest Night Ever

2009-03-08T14:31:00.000-07:00

to make an already long story short....

directly after i finished writing the Shittiest Night Ever blog, i ran to the bus stop to catch the 5am bus that would take me to my 6am hair appointment. nothing doing. the bus showed up 25 minutes late, right when i called the stylist to cancel our appointment. i sadly walked back home where i was able to grab 2 hours and some change of sleep. i then got up, called a locksmith and had him make a new key for my car, which was really, really expensive. and after several hours, 3 bus rides and a tea latte from starbucks, i got my key.
the Shittiest Night Ever was finally over.
The End.

epilogue
its hard to include all of the subplots and details to this story. things keep popping into my head and yelling "type me up, too!" but i think the point of my actually blogging about this is so that i can look back at what happened and decide if i did something wrong in the situation. also, i'm actually looking at this as if it were a karmic boomerang incident, thinking what did i do to someone else in order for me to deserve this? that's how i look at the bad happenings in my life. whenever shit goes wrong, i try and go over all the shit that i've caused or been apart of. maybe i had this coming to me.

overall, i think its this kind of analysis that makes me work harder at being a better person so that karma doesn't have much to pay me back for.

maybe its time to renew my understanding of karma.

Random Thoughts on the Shittiest Night Ever

2009-03-07T03:53:00.001-08:00

i don't tend to include many cuss words in my posts, but as you can see there is one included in the title of this particular post and there will be a few more explicatives before this post is complete.
i went out dancing last night and have yet to go to sleep. in fact, i've just got home from the shittiest night ever. the club was fun. i met a few hott guys and was actually approached by a couple of them for my number, which i happily relinquished. i was the door bitch passing out figurative golden tickets to lucky clubgoers. and i rocked the dancefloor....well, you probably already knew that since i'm awesome when it comes to dancing. the night turned shitty when my jacket dissapeared.

the club was closing and they were shuffling guests towards the exits when the search began for my jacket and homely scarf (who would want to steal that old thing?) and the contents of my jacket pockets, which included, of course, my car keys and beloved camera, camii's cam. but these items were no where to be found. jen, my friend who works at the club looked everywhere and asked everyone on staff, but not a soul knew where it was and not a stitch was found. i was cool, i kept my composure, but inside i was dying....my car was parked in beverly hills! a city that tows cars parked overnight within its limits. great. i have so much to do today! get hair done, find accessories for dress, shuttle my aunt to a big birthday bash. i totally need my car!

so i call AAA to have them come and tow my car to jen's house so it doesn't get impounded by the city and to have them open the door so i can get my house keys out. while we wait, jen's super drunk friend roams off and is no where to be found. no where. seriously, we drove around looking for him, but it was in vain. the AAA guys finally came. they followed us back to jen's house after we had given up any hope of finding her long lost roaming friend.

of course once we get to her house and the tow truck guys are parking my car on the street, i see the roamer lying outside of the front gates. after we ask the necessary "where the fuck have you been!?" he proceeds to tell us fantastical stories that changed each time he opened his mouth to tell them, and he kept opening his damn mouth. first he got into a fight with his best friend, then he got jacked by a strange man, then a strange man came up to him and held a screwdriver to his throat. i stopped listenining after a while. he claims to have walked all the way from the club to her house. i don't know and i don't care.

so on top of being really, really drunk, roaming and telling fantastical stories this guy also had his car parked in beverly hills and waiting to get towed, so jen and i convinced him to hand over his car keys, at which point she drove me to his car and i drove it back to her house. jen, because she's a gracious and patient friend, finally took me home. and now i am here typing this message to you so you can learn of the the shittiest night ever.

what lessons did you learn, camille? first of all, get a spare key. you kept saying you're gonna do it, well now seems like a fucking good time to get that done. secondly, never do the unattended jacket thing, again. whether you think its safe or not, keep your eye on your own shit. third, don't get jen's friend, the roamer, drunk if you can help it.

Alone in the Kitchen with a....Bag of Wheat Flour Part Deux

2009-03-05T07:46:00.000-08:00

gee, i forgot to update this....i tried the wheat bread recipe again, this time cutting the recipe in half (the website that i found the recipe on actually has an ingredient calculator!), and allowing the dough to rise longer than the time recommended by the recipe. it took a lot longer, but it was worth the wait to finally produce a loaf of bread. it was so exciting, especially since the bread actually came out good. it was awesome when smeared with apricot jam. my best friend said it was yummy, too.
i'm going to continue to try different recipes until i find a homemade wheat bread that i'm really excited about making and eating.

"approach love and cooking with reckless abandon."

Missed Connections: Kyle Westbrook

2009-03-03T23:42:00.000-08:00

i just watched a clip from henry louis gates' looking for lincoln (PBS). in the clip, gates visits a high school class in chicago taught by kyle westbrook. why can't i find a guy like him...here in l.a.? cute. intelligent. works with kids. appears to not live within a stereotype. unruly, funky hair. they camera didn't pan out far enough for me to see a ring finger, but it doesn't really matter since he lives and works in CHICAGO! *sigh*
kyle, if you're reading this....think about planning a trip to l.a.!!

Missed Connections: Aaron

2009-03-03T22:19:00.000-08:00

recently, during my many sessions of mandatory training, i came across aaron, a young gentleman with whom i enjoyed just being in the same room with. there wasn't much conversation between the two of us, but he's cute, ambitious and focused on his goals. you have no idea how attractive that is!
the last training we had was how to deal with sexual harassment. i thought it would be totally inappropriate and awkward (especially after watching the training film) for me to ask him more personal questions. *sigh*

now i don't know whether to track him down, or just let it go. he has to be young...twentyish, most likely. i doubt that our personalities would click if we'd ever have a chance to get to know each other. who knows...

Random Thoughts on My Apartment

2009-03-03T20:15:00.000-08:00

i'm having a problem with my apartment. my body knows that its home, but my mind gets no relief while my body rests here. in other words, i don't feel like this place is my refuge, my paradise.

i remember while i lived with my dad, my room was a kind of island where i would rest outside of the stormy oceans of life. i distinctly recall the feeling of weights being lifted off me and emotional bags falling away from me whenever i walked into that room. i used christmas lights to illuminate and had everything decorated in neutral tones and palm trees. i had interesting postcard strung up around the room and rattan mats hanging from the walls. it was wonderful and i wasn't the only person who noticed. my friends who would come over would get the same feeling. i had people stop by to just rest and watch tv with me because it was so comfortable, so calming just to sit in there.

for a while my first apartment had that same feel, but that was before the roaches invaded my peace. now, here in my current apartment, its no where to be found.

my best friend and i were discussing our down-in-the-dumps moods when he made a point that kinda stuck with me: he said he believed that i hadn't even begun to start living in my apartment, yet.
"huh? what do you mean? you know how long i've lived here? you even helped me move in!"

his point was that i was always focusing my life on something like school, finishing my thesis, job hunting, waiting to be made permanent. and now, finally, all those worries and outside stresses are gone so all i have to focus on is me and my life and, of course, my apartment.

so i'm taking on a huge project now to make this space mine. to bring back the island feel so that i can find my refuge again. i'll be doing some deep cleaning, redecorating and i would love to paint a wall or two, but i don't think that's allowed. i'll find a way though. i have to. i miss that feeling of being home.

Mental Dust Bunnies Vol. 2: Boom Box in the Car

2009-03-02T08:15:00.000-08:00

i recently lost my ipod. even more recently i replaced the lost one by buying another used one off some guy from craigslist. the new one, which i call pinkie, is not perfect, but it does its job and that's all that counts. unfortunately the device i use to play the ipod in the car has now decided to start malfunctioning. i don't know if its because of pinkie or if the device itself is failing. either way, when i went out shopping yesterday i saw a decently priced pair of mini-speakers and i thought: "would that be ridiculous to have a portable set of speakers in the car so i can listen to my ipod?" i decided against buying the speakers at the time, but a memory long lost to the dust bunnies of my mind resurfaced...

i think it was the summer of 2000. my friend chanel and i were kickin' it tight (that's how we talked back then). i think this is even after we did our stella-gets-her-groove-back trip to jamaica, which is another story. so we were really close. we'd have these funny in car sessions, i think we called them the camille & chanel show. we always talked about mounting a camera on the dashboard and documenting our wild and fantastical conversations. she didn't have a car and on top of that, she lived in valencia so there was a lot of camille & chanel shows.

so when chanel and i scored a pair of tickets to go to summer jam 2000 in irvine, we were dying to have some tuneage in the car for the road trip there and back. unfortunately, belle, my first car did not have a cd player at the time. it didn't even have a tape deck. belle was a strictly radio vehicle. my solution? get some batteries, pack some cds....we're taking the boombox. yes, folks, i loaded my aiwa cd/tape player boombox with size D batteries (i still have the same one) and put it in the backseat my car. chanel was the dj. i was the driver.

its so funny when i look back on it. i remember chanel laughing at the idea at the time and then us laughing together in hindsight.

i long for reruns of the camille & chanel show. i wish i could move around s'more dust bunnies and recall more of the good times we shared together.

Sort of a Librarian Vol. 2: Permanent

2009-02-23T22:57:00.000-08:00

so i signed the paperwork today and i am officially a permanent library employee.
oh my goodness! finally. i know its only been a couple of months of working as a temporary employee, but i was getting worried.
really i was...REALLY.
dammit. i can't even convince myself.

i was worried, but only a little bit. it was a combination of knowing that i'm good at what i do and that my spider sense told me not to worry. i like to trust my instinct, and in this, like many other cases, it was right.

but now that the paperwork is signed and i know where the money will be coming in for the rest of my life (unless i fuck this up big time) i feel like i can start working on the next goal: enjoying life, while saving for my own place.

in the meantime, its mardi gras tomorrow and i'm going to have the kids make their own masks. laissez le bon temps rouler!

Alone in the Kitchen with a....Bag of Wheat Flour

2009-02-22T15:42:00.000-08:00

today i attempted to make homemade wheat bread. FAIL!
it wasn't a total loss. the bread didn't bake all the way through before i took it out, so i got to taste the cooked part and it was yum.
all during the process there were a few things that went wrong, but i think i started out on a bad foot by not reading enough about breadmaking before i even began. i realized before i mixed yeast and flour that i had no idea even how to knead. i had to watch a youtube video (media hog!) before i could even begin. next time (probably tomorrow) i'll watch some actual cooking shows where someone goes from start to finish with a loaf of bread. i guess i should also check out some books on bread, too. i do work at a library, you know. i'm certainly not giving up on homemade bread or my quest to be an homemade culinary specialist!

living the moto:
"approach love and cooking with reckless abandon"

Media Hog Vol. 2: Balancing Act

2009-02-22T08:36:00.000-08:00

as a media hog, i try to balance my consumption of media to include tv, movies, books, radio, music, magazines and internet, only recently adding video games to the mix. but lately, i've been glued in front of my tv set. this includes hooking up my laptop to the tv and watching tv shows via the internet.
not that i'm starting to get sick of tv (i really don't think that's possible.), but the balance is way off and i miss reading books and magazines, playing a little dance dance revolution here and there and especially the music. i miss the search for new artists finding a way to stream the albums free online and then when i can't live without it, finding the cheapest way to purchase the album. its the thrill of the hunt!
i'm working on this media balancing act. i'm also working on balancing out the other things i want to do in the time that i have available. if my full-time job-having, commuting-at-least-2-hours-a-day parents can stay active, do all kinds of things and keep up with their favorite shows, then why can't i?
uhhh....i'm working on it.

Media Hog Vol. 1: My Oscar Picks

2009-02-20T22:39:00.000-08:00

i just finished watching slumdog millionaire and have finally seen all of the best pic nods. i'm ready to cast my votes....

best pic: a tie between slumdog and milk. they were both awesome. both were acted very well. both told the stories of unique people at a time when hollywood is barfing up lots of milquetoast flicks.

i love bollywood and danny boyle mastered that style in production, but toned down the over-dramatics usually associated with that genre for something that moviewatchers could really insert themselves into.
although milk was your classic biopic, it was masterfully put together....i mean from direction, to acting, even the music (i'll talk about that later) was amazing. and as a history buff, you automatically get my engine revving when you show archival footage.

best actor: sean penn. hands down. and in a very close second, mickey rourke. both played the hell out of those characters. i really felt these actors channeling, being possessed by these stories and living these lives as their own.

best actress: meryl streep. sister aloicus had to frighten me like a little schoolgirl, but she also had to make me feel that my safety was part of the reason she wore that heavy, burdensome habit. i never doubted that with meryl streep in front of the camera. i think kate winslet would have given streep a run for her money if she would have been nominated for her performance in revolutionary road, in which she was wonderful, but i found her performance in the reader good, but not worth knocking out meryl.

i'd also like to note that i haven't seen the changeling or rachel getting married.

best supporting actress: i know, i didn't do supporting actor. wanna know why? i don't think any of them were oscar worthy and i'm mad that michael shannon even got nominated. for supporting actress i'm rooting for taraji henson. i loved the way she played that role and i loved how her portrayal made queenie an essential part of the movie. she was the equivalent of a homebase to button, which it seemed he lost forever after she died.

best animated feature: i am by no means a fan of animated movies, but i thought wall.e was a beautiful movie. before i saw it, i heard a critic talk about the magic of charlie chaplin and how he dazzled a scene without uttering a word. that's the whole first half of this movie. i've had to bar myself from buying a wall.e figurine.

best costume design: i normally wouldn't care about this category, as you can see i've skipped most of the others, but i actually saw the duchess and i have a particular fondness for period pieces and the clothes they wear in them. this one was beautifully done.

and last, but not least....
best original score: milk. who would have thought that danny elfman could finally score a movie and not make it sound like a whimsical playground of walking skeletons or stepford-like towns. it flowed naturally with the storyline. the music in slumdog was great, too, but i feels like it was more of a soundtrack, than a score. in no way do i want to diminish the musical abilities of the musicians because the music was really, really good.

i actually want to see rachel getting married, so if i catch it before they annouce best actress i will update this post...

ADDENDUM! 2/22 2:10p
i was reminded by dante that i forgot to note that best make-up should go to hellboy II. loved that flick and the make-up in it was awesome.
also, i was listening to a thing on npr today about the oscar nominated scores, and it mentioned that the composer of benjamin button wrote the score so that i could be played forwards or backwards. that is freakin' amazing! if that's true, then benjamin button should win for best original score, hands down!

Life's Little Annoyances Vol. 2: Californian Jackasses

2009-02-18T23:01:00.000-08:00

regarding the california legislature: you ain't voted a budget in, yet? seriously, get over it! i like my job and i'd really like to keep it. JACKASSES!

the octuplet mom: so you defaulted on your mortagage? huh. why am i not surprised. i'm not ready to unleash my fury on you. i'm going to wait until i'm good and angry at something else and take it out on you. YEAH! I SAID IT!

this is why i don't watch the news.

Life's Little Annoyances Vol. 1: Laundry Time

2009-02-18T22:32:00.000-08:00

i really hate it when my neighbors take my clothes out of the washing machine. especially this time when someone else was hogging the dryer. so my stuff just sat out all cold and shivering while the loser's clothes were all warm and cozy in the washer.

so the dryer hogger left his clothes in the dryer and i had to do the exact thing i hate when done to me: i had to take their clothes out of the dryer! i don't want to touch your drawers! i don't care how much detergent and fabric softener you use! i don't want my skin to be in contact with fabric that caresses your buttocks!

*deep breath*
for now on, i'm putting a sign on the washer when my clothes are in it: "DO NOT TOUCH MY LAUNDRY! I'll be back ASAP to collect it. Thanks!"

Mental Dust Bunnies Vol. 1: On the Stairs

2009-02-18T21:12:00.000-08:00

a message from a myspace friend just jostled something in my mind revealing, yet another memory lost behind years of mental dust bunnies. so here it goes...

at 11 years of age i ran amok living with my mom and her new husband. i had ran away twice and was hanging with the wrong crowd. my rebellion was stifled in one fell swoop as my parents decided to move me from covina to los angeles and into the home of my dad.

there's plenty of memories that are still fresh and painful from this time period, but i'm kinda glad this one came up. my dad used to wake me up at like 3 or 4 in the morning so he could give me lectures and we could study on the stairs. this happened whether i was in school or not. yes siree, we'd sit on the stairs, there was a wide landing we'd lay out on, where i'd nod between sleep and consciousness while my dad droned on and on about something or forced me to practice whatever subject he thought would be best for that morning. it sucked at the time being awoken at odd hours of the night and hearing my dad wax poetic about his conspiracy theories, but he did teach me all kinds of memorization techniques and little tricks to help me get through math and other subjects.

he was also quite fond of the book how to win friends and influence people, so sometimes we would just recite token phrases from it, a list of which he had blown up to poster-size and hung it in the stairwell, as well as a smaller sized poster hung by the front door, as a reminder on the way out.

these sessions on the stairs were probably good for me, now that i can look back upon them. i learned a lot from academia to interpersonal skills to how to take notes and look like you're paying attention when you're really just sleep.

Six Ways to Make People Like You
from How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile.
Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
Make the other person feel important-- and do it sincerely.

Why I Love Me Vol. 1: Matching Outfits with Outlooks

2009-02-18T19:33:00.000-08:00

i had a great day today. i felt good. i got a lot done. it all started in the closet this morning. wanna hear a little insight? here it goes...

there's something transformative about my clothes and especially the outfits i put together. all the different combinations can have the most amazing effects on my outlook for the day. like today, for instance. when i wake up on days when i have something to do, one of the first things i think about is "what am i going to wear?" all kinds of factors go into this decision, but most importantly "what's clean?" this morning was no different, but there was a large pile of dirties in the closet and i was sure that i didn't have anything left to put together a working outfit. au contraire, mon frere!

i rediscovered a shirt that i hadn't worn in a while and created a very simple, very accessory-focused outfit that turned out to be a winner. i looked cute in the mirror and i felt great in the outfit. with that confidence i proceeded to have a great day.

this isn't materialism. i don't think the clothes or my hairstyles make me. its my creativity and personal syle and preferences that contribute to all that is me. its my eye for detail that made it possible for me to gain most of the pieces i have in my closet. and what an eye that is! it is my creativity that can make these outfit combinations. and its my easy-going personality that comes through when the outfits are golden.

its when the outfits take the bronze or don't even make the podium that i encounter problems. i am working on it, but sometimes i find myself leaving in the morning looking frumpy, uncute and feeling downright uncomfortable. once the closet door closes its like the day just starts rolling downhill. there's no pep in my step, i want to stay seated most of the time and roll into a ball at the first opportunity. i hate bad outfits. they say a lot, too much if you ask me, about how i feel.

i'm trying to eliminate frump days. uncute days and uncomfort. you won't believe how often i used to allow that to happen. i don't think its right for me to leave my house if i don't feel cute. i feel like i'm cheating myself more than any onlookers.

despite the occasional frump, i've got a great sense of style and am always in need of new pieces to bring that through to the naked eye.....hmmm.....wanna go shopping?!

Sort of a Librarian Vol. 1: I Love It/ I Hate It

2009-02-03T07:14:00.000-08:00

when i started this post i was uber frustrated with office politics and large library system bureaucracy.

i am a children's librarian working in a small library within a large library system. my branch is located in a very poor and urban neighborhood. i was hired as a "monthly" employee, which means i'm temporary, easily expendable when the ship starts to sink.
its been three months and i basically still love what i do on a daily basis, but some things have started to get to me.

i am blessed to be in a library where my manager says "sure! sounds good" to almost every suggestion or idea i come up with and i implement almost all of her suggestions and ideas, too. however, i feel like there's still some communication issues and not just with my manager. it seems like most of the other employees all have things to tell me, but they feel like they're going to hurt my feelings, upset me or enrage me, so they all hold back. this sucks, especially when i ask people for their opinions and they clam up or give me canned answers thinking i'll accept that. i really dislike it when people agree just to make someone happy. it actually hurts my feelings some of the time that people would want to treat me like a small child, "yes! that's a great idea!" when they know that particular idea won't get off the ground in my library.

enough of the negativity...i got a hint of good news yesterday when the regional supervisor's assistant called me to check on my employment status. seems like a good sign to me. she used to call my manager and inquire, but now she's asking me directly. unfortunately, since i'm not considered permanent, i have to re-interview for my position. my interview is this friday. she even asked what time it was...i hope it was so that she could check on the results afterward. i hope that means that she wants to expedite making me permanent.

my manager also gave me some news yesterday: once permanent, they may want me to transfer to another library. i know of two libraries in my region that are children's librarian-less. in fact they both are bigger libraries. however, i really like working where i do and i've bonded with a few of the kids. they're part of why i like this job. i guess we'll see...

Rick

2009-02-02T23:07:00.000-08:00

Copied from Myspace blog

a few days ago one of my co-workers asked me if i'd met my soulmate, yet. i told her i hope not, because then i probably lost him, too. that depressing thought, teamed with a few other recent jaunts down memory lane brought up the memory of rick.

the winter of my sophomore year: emotionally i was your typical teenage girl. other than that i'm not sure what category you could toss me into. i was on the drill team and school was on break. one of drill's activities was volunteering to decorate a rose parade float.

my regular bests weren't around, so i became close pals with fellow drill team member, aurea. we never really hung out before the time outlined in this tale and we didn't hang out much afterwards. it was a friendship fling and a good one, too.

after becoming winter break best buds and while gluing millet, grasses and other dry decoration, aurea and i met ourselves a couple of cute boys: david and rick. bonus: they went to a different school so they were fresh and foreign meat!

aurea paired well with rick. they were both tall and i guess they hit it off after we all started talking. i thought david was a cutie pie, and besides, we were both short.

i don't remember the details of how long the decorating went on, or how long we "courted" the boys before we decided to do some serious hanging out. how we were able to convince our parents to go along with our plan escapes me, too and i am still amazed to this day that my mom allowed aurea and i to spend new year's eve in a tent, outside and unsupervised on the rose parade route. mom even provided the camping supplies! of course, what mom didn't know, is that we invited the boys to join us.
get your nasty mind outta the gutter! i was not ever thinking of having sex in a tent! ugh! i can't imagine copulating without AT LEAST a wash cloth with some hot water nearby. tmi? opps... moving on....

so how it happened matters not. what happened? i don't recall too much. all i can remember is that by the time we got all assembled in the tent it was late and time to do what teenagers do in a tent in the dark: make out. i think david and i did a bit of smooching, but not much. he ended up passing out with his arms around me in super kung-fu grip. actually i remember aurea and rick seeing this and laughing as i struggled to get comfy. sleep eventually overtook me.

we woke up the next morning having missed most of the parade already. for some reason or another we went our separate ways, splitting off by sex: boys in one direction, girls in the other. aurea and i found a pupusa vendor near our campsite and she introduced me to those delightfully yummy treats. that's all i remember of that crazy night/morning. i know! i wish i could remember the juicy details, too. damn this brain of mine.

anyway, after some time had passed, david and i had fallen out, aurea and rick weren't going anywhere, rick and i found ourselves talking,writing notes and he would come over my house to visit. it was simple at first. just friends and all, but then feelings started to develop. i liked him for sure, and he for sure liked me. he even claimed to love me in a letter he wrote me (yes! i still have my high school letters...you archivist, you!)
but i held back. i don't remember my exact motives, but i think it was because we both started out liking each other's friends and i really didn't want to break that unspoken rule.
rick was persistent. he wrote me emotive letters, he would hold me when he came over, he even cried one time, but despite having feelings for the guy, i never budged. i don't remember how we lost contact, but he was soon gone.

i look back on my memory of rick, which is mostly remembering how i felt instead of what we did or what was said between us. i remember feeling exited at the thought of him, then happy and adored when around him. it felt great to be with him. how could i deny myself that pleasure, waving loyalty like a flag, especially knowing now that aurea and i would end up barely waving hi to each other as we passed in the halls.

what if rick was my soulmate? what if i let him go so very easily?

if i haven't had one already, then i have come close to having a soul mate. there was a person in my life who i've loved, whom i may still love, but liking/loving somebody isn't all you need to have a viable relationship. there's something else that needs to go in to make it work and last. whatever that thing is we didn't have it. maybe rick and i lacked that thing, too.

all i know right now is that i want to feel like i did when i was around rick. i want that excitement, happiness and especially the warmth of adoration back in my life. its been a while...

So Far This Weekend...

2009-01-03T16:57:00.000-08:00

Copied from Myspace blog

since i'm sick i decided to stay in this weekend and watch movies in the a.p.t. its been a polarized mix of really good and bad.

i started off with CROSSING THE LINE, a documentary about a guy who went awol from the u.s. army to communist north korea, where he lives the rest of his life. that one was really good. i liked how the documentarians focused on the people, their experiences and how they felt, rather than getting into the details and politics of living in a communist society.

next i watched CAPTURING THE FRIEDMANS, a documentary about the friedman family of great neck, ny (what a name!). the father and one of his sons were accused of brutal acts of a sexual nature upon children. the doc brought up the possibility that the kids that accused the friendmans were lying or were coached to say that they were sodomized, but it didn't follow through on that theory.

after that i watched DAS FRAULEIN, a really good german film about a female drifter who ends up working at a cafeteria and bringing a ray of happiness into the life of her boss. good story, very touching without a hint of cheesiness.

then i watched THE PROTAGONIST. this was a documentary that profiled 4 different men. i honestly couldn't tell how the film makers thought these guys were linked. they each told these life tales that were interesting, but ehh. it was weird. no bueno.

i followed that one with another dud, PRIDE. this movie sucked. every motivational monologue was unconvincing. it was entirely too long. the acting was unbelievable. i knew the crypt had been sealed when they started playing the sad music during the first swim meet and i busted out laughing because one of the kids hit his head. it was a good muscle-ache-causing laughter, too.

well, comrades. its back to the tv i go. hasta la vista!

Hope is a Librarian's Word, Too

2008-11-05T17:21:00.000-08:00

Copied from Myspace blog

this is week 2 of training and i'm feeling really confident that i'm going to be a good at my job when i finally get a chance to actually do it.

so far i've come across a weary children's librarian, who still has plenty of good in her, but is really short with customers, mainly the adults. i see what she's been through with stupid customers (young and old) destroying books and other library materials, parents dropping their kids off like the library is daycare and kids acting like the children's section is the set of american gladiators.

i wonder if i will ever take on that weariness. i return to my days at borders and am trying to remember how i felt the last few months there: was i more weary of the growing corporate atmosphere/waning family feel, or was i tired of dealing with unappreciative customers?

another factoid that i've picked up recently, is that in the southern region of l.a. county, the libraries and librarians are more appreciated by their users, where as in the west region they are used, but often don't receive the necessary support or rarely hear a word of thanks from the local users. so, even though i have to drive the extra mileage to work, i think i'm going to be much happier in the south, than dealing with entitled yuppies and their brats. i should keep my mouth shut, because i may end up transferring up there one day.

i've also come across a children's librarian who is insecure. she constantly is apologizing for almost everything, from accidentally bumping into me to asking me to help her with storytime. that's what i'm there to do! why apologize? her insecurities trickle down into her work tasks, she is not confident about what she does for the kids, even though they and their parents are appreciative. i feel bad because when i came in and worked with some of the kid volunteers, they said that they would start splitting their time to come to my library so they can work with me because i'm "awesome."

i briefly met another children's librarian who was really nice, but hated doing storytime. are you serious? on a more positive note, i've seen another children's librarian lead a storytime that drew a crowd of 60 kids, most of which sat through the stories then participated in the following craft. that's pretty awesome.

i'm still really excited about this job and everything i'm going to have to do. i will be the first children's librarian assigned to the graham library in a long time, if ever. that means a lot of work carving out a space in the current milieu.

so far, when i go to work i feel uber-confident. although my language is cleaned up, i pretty much treat the kids that i've worked with so far the same as everyone else, which has always been my policy in working with people. i get to play with babies and then send them home, i get to color and come up with different arts and crafts projects, i get to sing songs and read children's books. life ain't bad.

hopefully the confidence, excitement and hope will continue into next week and beyond, when i'm finally working in my library.
unitl then...

Day 1: Librarian Training

2008-10-28T03:00:00.000-07:00

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the day flew by surprisingly fast. i spent most of my time shadowing the children's librarian at the branch that i'm training at. i was also surprised to learn that she's about as cynical as i am, which was a good and a bad thing. good because the atmosphere was very similar to when i was working at the bookstore. i felt right at home. we exchanged stories about all the crazy regulars we've come across and i got to meet some of them, too. it was a bad thing because although i'm sure she's an excellent children's librarian, she's not exactly the kind of librarian i want to be. she did the least amount of work as possible and what she did do, it seemed as if it was half-assed.

i feel awful saying this about her, especially since she actually wanted to work with kids and focused her education on it. i'd like to think that she started off like i am, wanting to be a great children's librarian, but after experiencing the crazies, the unattended kids, the asshole teenagers, the smooshing of m&m's into picture books and the non-participant parents she's developed a fairly negative attitude. i don't want that and hope i don't get it.

the community library manager (CLM, aka branch manager) is the opposite. she gave me a children's pep talk, telling me about her experience. like me, she went into librarianship wanting to work with adults, but kind of slipped, fell and and landed into children's services. she learned to love it and preaches that she thinks its the best way to start off in the profession, a widely held belief.

we'll see where i land when i finally get to work in my library and meet my kids along with their parents and neighbors.

i'm ready for day two.

Thanks for the Warning!

2008-09-21T06:51:00.000-07:00

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so tonight i had an unintentional sad movie double feature.

i watched atonement, which i knew was going to be heart-wrenching, but then i watched pan's labyrinth, which i had no idea was a depressing movie.

i really like atonement. its structure...how it would go back in time and then forward again as if time belonged that way. i really liked the story and i love how cecelia stood by robbie for the whole movie.

pan's labyrinth....yeah. maybe i just wasn't in the mood for this one because i thought it was just ok. what stood out more than anything to me was that this little girl's disobedience caused so much trouble, both in real life and fantasy, and damn if i wouldn't have slapped her, too. i thought the ending was real cold and i thought the characters who were supposed to be strong women made some bad decisions that caused their own problems.

wait! wait! i have some sarcasm for you....
thanks to all my friends who've seen this movie and didnt warn me about the cheek scenes. i had a freak out moment. you know i have a problem with skin! argh!
love ya, though!

Time for a Change

2008-09-20T17:52:00.000-07:00

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i am an official graduate of the university of california, los angeles. i think my advisor got sick of the back and forth and sent me an email one day telling me to just file my thesis already.

i am also in the final stages of the "pre-employment" process of l.a. county library. i'm pretty excited because that's the first place i interviewed and they have a great reputation for training really top-notch librarians, and i certainly need some training.

other than that, its been a very trying summer; i've been pretty depressed a lot of the time dealing with thesis/job stuff and i think with the huge change of no longer being a student. i am at my wits end with my current position, which has turned from a historical researcher to a glorified file clerk. thank goodness that is supposed to end at the beginning of october. hopefully i will be starting a new position soon after that.

with the horizon looking brighter, so has my mood changed. this had lead me to initiate a body/mind detox so i can start this new chapter of my life on the right foot.

i'm starting with the mental and really trying to get to some deep rooted stuff. it already feels good knowing i'm focusing and working on me and i just see it getting better.

chicken, ya'll.

Movies to Watch When You're Already Feeling Lonely

2008-09-08T06:09:00.000-07:00

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last night i was feeling totally un-in-love so i decided to match the mood with movies.

IN THE LAND OF WOMEN is a film i would not recommend. it was just bad; the acting was unnatural and the storyline predictable. but on top of that, it was also about a guy who flees a celebrity ex to go and to live with his death-desiring grandma in a detroit suburb right across the street from a houseful of women who all eventually fall for him for one reason or another. apparently he's a really cool guy. anyway, there was enough to keep me watching all the way until the end. don't worry, i didnt pay for it. it was on demand.

ONCE. yeah. the one that won the oscar. its actually pretty good, but talk about heartwrencher. a street performer/vacuum fixer and a pianist/rose vendor/house cleaner fall in love while working to put together a demo cd. that's not the best synopsis, but what i really liked about it was the naturalness of the whole movie; as if the camera were not there. and the way they filmed it made you feel like a fly on the wall instead of an audience member. and the music! if you like coldplay you're going to dig this soundtrack, which i just purchased along with the duo's album. also on demand. thank you tv. you're the best!

Movies on My Mind

2008-09-08T03:26:00.000-07:00

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i think i may have just seen the worst movie that came out in 2005. SLINGSHOT was rife with misplaced emotional bonding scenes that were way too choreographed. i'm trying to figure out how the hell it found its way into my blockbuster queue. oh well. its over now. went to the movies with mr. ross a couple weeks back and saw HELLBOY II (cheesy, but still cool) and BAGHEAD (i'd say wait for dvd, unless you can catch the $3.50 mantinee...its funny and actually a bit scary with a twist at the end). at home, i've recently viewed HELLBOY I, DEJA VU, and kevin and i watched this promising french movie called THE PAGE TURNER. unfortunately, it wasnt a pageturner.